What is our Advent “preparation” supposed to look like?
It’s a great irony to me that every year our Advent readings feature John the Baptist because what could be further from our homey, holiday ideal of our families all cozied up around the soft glow of tiny tree lights, joyfully exchanging gifts than this wild, haggard, severe prophet? Imagine a Christmas card with a cover that reads “from our home to yours…” and inside an alarming close-up of John the Baptist with his fierce eyes, looking dusty and lean screaming at the top of his lungs “REPENT!!!” But, John’s intensity does manage to break through the blur of daily living and all the Christmas madness, and his message is simple. Prepare the way of the Lord through a sincere repentance; a transformative change of heart. But, what does this preparation look like?
Fr. Ron Rolheiser advises we begin by identifying what is making us sad, because more often than not this will lead us to where true repentance is needed in our lives. Sin robs us of our ability to live the life for which we were created because it alienates us from our true selves, God, and each other.
What makes me sad is that I have a deep longing to use my God-given gifts to the full and really admire people who are succeeding in this way. I really admire excellence. And even though the people close to me say I’m very efficient and use my time well, most days I still feel like I’m failing (at least a little bit) at everything. There never seems enough time to be the mother, wife, minister, friend, sister, citizen, neighbor I really long to be. I consider myself an “all in” kind of gal, but you wouldn’t know it from all the ½ read books, ½ swept floors, ½ finished crafty gifts, ½ empty laundry baskets. The white flag of surrender to clutter has been flying at my house for years now, but I still feel fresh anxiety every time I see the indomitable dust bunnies and fingerprints.
I don’t feel like I spend enough time with those I love. I’m not caring for my aging parents as I would like. I just never feel I am doing enough or am chronically questioning if I am doing the right things with my limited time. Some days I feel defeated before my feet even hit the floor. I feel more like a compulsive “human doing” not a human being. This is not of God. This is not what I was created for.
Thomas Merton once said that the leading spiritual disease of our time is “efficiency.” Our problem is not so much our ‘badness’ as our ‘busyness.’ Our to-do lists and packed calendars keep us from reconnecting with our source; God.
I find I need to very intentionally stop and bask like a cat in the sun in the loving gaze of God every day. Because only then can I begin to hear the only voice that quiets my obsessive inner critic; the still, small, voice of God that says “I love you…you are enough…worthiness is not a prerequisite for my affection. You are mine.” This nourishment is to me like water to a flower.
“God doesn’t love us despite of our faults and failures, but rather in and through them we are being emptied, being broke open and brought into deeper intimacy with God and one another. God works in and through our failure to bring about the kingdom! Our faults force us to shed our self-sufficiency and masks of perfection and accept redemption, knowing that we have not earned it by our accomplishments. Our weakness cultivates a deeper vulnerability, compassion and acceptance towards others – the very hallmarks of a follower of Jesus.” (Boulding) “Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together.” (Brene Brown).
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