Crazy Catholic Question #44: Our Children's Spiritual Growth

How do I know if my child is “where they should be” in their spiritual development?
Welp, personally, I don’t think it’s very helpful, especially in regards to spiritual development, to “should ourselves.” I think we would all be better off and much happier, healthier people if we could retire from the overuse of that word.

As parents, we are aware of our child’s growth in many ways. We measure their growth physically by the little lines that mark their height in our doorways or by the way their pants fit (my grandpa used to ask me “When’s the flood coming?”) We measure their academic progress by listening to them read aloud and discussing their report cards. We measure their athletic ability by appreciating their coordination and abilities in a variety of sports. We measure their social and interactive skills by watching them play with others, address adults, negotiate conflict and how regularly they employ the all important “please” and “thank yous” that we have drilled into them over the years. In working with our children here at CTR, I would say we are all doing a rather bang-up job in aiding in our children’s development in a variety of ways.

Now, let’s change realms…and our language a bit. Instead of “measure,” let’s ask “How have we ‘observed’ our child’s spiritual growth?” This, I find as a parent, is a little more tricky to assess, yes? A few questions that may help…

· Do our children have a spirit of joy and inner peace?

· Is there a curiosity about God and things of the Spirit?

· Is there a desire and an ability to initiate prayer?

· Is there an ability to make good decisions?

· Is there an interest and a growing understanding of the Bible?

· Are there signs of generosity and an acceptance and desire to help others?

· Is there an awareness of God’s gifts in creation, animals, etc.?

· Is there an attentiveness and participation at Mass? (FYI being an altar server has IMMENSELY helped my most fidgety child focus…and she loves it! For info contact Pamela Koczak (248) 227-2372, pkoczak@sbcglobal.net).

We also may ask ourselves what traditions were most important in OUR childhood formation, i.e. bedtime prayers, grace at meals, weekly Mass, family rosary, advent wreath, etc. Which ones are we doing? Or not? And why? I know I still cross myself whenever I hear a siren. I don’t think we can’t underestimate the power of these little rituals. They are little opportunities for God to in-break into our daily lives.

Here is a great idea I gleaned at a conference and immediately instituted in our home.

In the morning I ask my kids “Which of the 7 GIFTS of the Spirit do you need most today? Knowledge, Courage, Understanding, Reverence, Wonder & Awe, Right Judgment, Wisdom” and then I sign a little cross on their foreheads and pray “Vivienne, today may the Spirit give you the gift of _____.”

At bedtime I ask “For which of the FRUITS of the Spirit are you most grateful for today? Joy, Faithfulness, Peace, Gentleness, Goodness, Patience, Love, Kindness, Self-Control...” A wonderful, brief conversation often ensues about their day and why this gift was important. This helps our kids (and US) to identify and speak meaningfully about how the Holy Spirit is active in our daily lives. Simple & Essential.

In the end, (I like to remind myself) God IS present and at work in and through our imperfection and ‘what we have left undone’ AND also have confidence that in continuing to love and care for our children we ARE indeed teaching them in the most concrete and trustworthy way of the love God has for each of us.

Crazy Catholic Question #43: Loneliness

I understand the value of Christian community and believe in the value of our shared work and life as the Body of Christ, but often I struggle with deep feelings of loneliness - sometimes even while I’m here at church! Am I being unfaithful in some way that brings on these feelings of disconnectedness?

I hear you! Even if we come from strong families and have ample social bonds, we still have moments when we feel excluded, misunderstood and involuntarily cut off.

The problem of loneliness, obviously, is not a new problem or one unique to our age. But, some sociologists tell us that it is, at best, an intensifying problem. Others go so far as to label loneliness the epidemic of this age. The so called “breakdown of the family,” our constant mobility, more automation and less human interaction in our day to day errands, and our pervasive modern media that presents unrealistic ideals of love and intimacy – all these cultural factors push us, as a society, into a new place of reckoning with our loneliness.

We all have different coping mechanisms, some of us choose to ignore of our feelings of loneliness by getting really busy, sending lots of emails, watching lots of TV, nightly shopping sprees or submerging ourselves into our work or home improvement projects. Other times, we can’t ignore the pain and we become sad, finding ourselves at times on the verge of despair.

We all recognize from our own experience the destructive potential of loneliness, but, surprisingly, many of our tradition’s greatest theologians see our universal human tendency towards loneliness also as a great opportunity for spiritual growth. Fr. Ron Rolheiser suggests in his well-researched book The Restless Heart that, spiritually speaking, loneliness itself is not necessarily an unhealthy emotion but rather something that we would be wise in giving some special attention.

St. Thomas Aquinas defines human loneliness as our “innate thirst for oneness, with God, others and nature.” He bids us to look sensitively and through the eyes of faith to see that our loneliness is our God-designed thirst for love and community…our longing for right relationships…a desire to be part of the intimate oneness of creation as God originally intended…a readiness and hunger to receive and give love in response to the darkness that sometimes envelopes us. St Thomas states that this oneness is the very end for which we were made.

From such a perspective, loneliness is a valuable and necessary force in our lives because it keeps us searching and will not let us comfortably isolate or settle for the things that are fleeting and will never truly gratify us such as fame, wealth, success, and pleasure.

So, on our better days, our loneliness helps keep us focused on the end for which God made us. If we listen to our inner longings we will be drawn deeper into the divine dream that God has written within the very structures of our heart, mind, and body. Loneliness is, in a sense, God’s imprint in us, constantly telling us where we should be going; towards love, pulling us out of our protective shells to build the relationships that form the backbone of the kingdom that Jesus preached.

We are never going to be fully satisfied this side of the grave, but we are given glimpses of the divine in our lives in those that love us, accept us, welcome us, redeem us, forgive us, and give us hope. Our challenge is to respond to our thirst and discomfort not with bitterness or hardness of heart, but rather with an openness and acceptance to where God is leading us in our sometimes painful longing and loneliness.

Crazy Catholic Question #42: Our Common Home

Why is the Pope so hot on climate change these days?

I was kicking around Facebook the other night and hit a link posted by Jesuit Fr. James Martin (who I deeply respect) entitled: “When the End of Human Civilization Is Your Day Job: (subtitled) Among many climate scientists, gloom has set in. Things are worse than we think, but they can't really talk about it.” Whoa. After being jolted out of my complacency with the darkness forecast in that article, I turned to Pope Francis’ encyclical letter Laudato Si’: On Care for Our Common Home for a little hope. But quite frankly, it only confirmed the urgency. 

Not that any of this concern for climate change is particularly new, but it IS new to hear it SO boldly proclaimed in our very own Catholic language, reflecting our theology and morality from the pen of our globally respected leader. It is strange and uncomfortable to realize that it is the scientists who are predicting the end of days and the religious fundamentalists who deny that anything is wrong…I’m thankful that the Pope has placed us squarely in the scientists’ camp!

Change doesn't happen until the status quo becomes unacceptable, right? Seems that day has arrived. Courage (and/or character) isn’t the absence of fear but our response to it, right? So, what is to be our response?

Here is what Pope Francis advises: “We require a new and universal solidarity. The urgent challenge to protect our common home includes a concern to bring the whole human family together to seek a sustainable and integral development, for we know that things can change...”

The Pope says our Catholic “spirituality proposes an alternative understanding of the quality of life, and encourages a prophetic and contemplative lifestyle, one capable of deep enjoyment free of the obsession with consumption.” He encourages us to embrace the “ancient lesson” that “less is more” and makes an “urgent appeal for a new dialogue about how we are shaping the future of our planet. For all our limitations, gestures of generosity, solidarity and care cannot but well up within us, since we were made for love.”

What do you think this ‘new dialogue’ really sounds like and looks like in action? I can only speak for myself, but I attend this church to pray, dream and work along-side people who share in my beliefs and concerns and to be inspired and empowered by our shared hope in God. Let’s dream up some practical new ways for our community to live this prayer below, found at the close of the encyclical. Please email me or post your clever ideas on our bulletin board in the vestibule on how we might better “Live simply, so others may simply live.” (challenge the kiddos to post something too!)

All-powerful God, you are present in the whole universe
and in the smallest of your creatures.
You embrace with your tenderness all that exists.
Pour out upon us the power of your love,
That we may protect life and beauty.
Fill us with peace, that we may live
as brothers and sisters, harming no one.
O God of the poor,
help us to rescue the abandoned and forgotten of this earth,
so precious in your eyes.
Bring healing to our lives,
that we may protect the world and not prey on it,
that we may sow beauty, not pollution and destruction.
Touch the hearts
of those who look only for gain
at the expense of the poor and the earth.
Teach us to discover the worth of each thing,
to be filled with awe and contemplation,
to recognize that we are profoundly united
with every creature
as we journey towards your infinite light.
We thank you for being with us each day.
Encourage us, we pray, in our struggle
for justice, love and peace.

Crazy Catholic Question #41: Same-Sex Marriage

Do you think the recent SCOTUS (Supreme Court of the US) ruling on same-sex marriage is a violation of religious liberty?

I’m sorry I’m a little late to this party. I’ve taken a couple weeks vacation from writing this bulletin column, but I’m glad you asked because I really wanted to share this quote from Michael Rossmann, SJ of The Jesuit Post about the ruling back on June 26th. “As America has become more welcoming to gay and lesbian people over the past decade in particular, more of our brothers and sisters, daughters and sons, friends and neighbors have come out. Many of us know people in same sex relationships of authentic love. We have come to understand that love, fidelity, and mutual commitment are worth being grateful for, regardless of the genders involved. We know the real hardships our loved ones suffer on account of not having the same rights as their heterosexual counterparts – whether through actual discrimination on the part of the government or through internalized perceptions of inferiority and worthlessness. We can, and do, celebrate the relief and affirmation they are experiencing right now.

For those who support it, the SCOTUS ruling is against injustice and for equality. It is not, by any stretch of the imagination, against religion and for immorality. And there’s a danger if religious voices continue to react as if advocacy for same-sex marriage is in itself a form of religious persecution. It simply is not. The motivations don’t match religious persecution, and neither does the end result. To equate what many perceive as correcting an injustice with religious persecution is to invite that persecution. It also encourages the church to act out of fear, rather than out of love born from the subtle urging of the Holy Spirit – and only bad things can come of acting from a place of fear.”

Two of my dearest friends are a Catholic lesbian couple who have been married for almost 15 years, together well over 25 years. They volunteered with our Campus Ministry efforts at OU for many years and I saw first-hand all the lives that they saved. Not figuratively, but quite literally. Their individual witnesses and stable relationship were life-giving and life-saving for many young people on the verge of suicide because they felt so ostracized and unjustly discriminated against in so many ways. This couple stands as a beacon of hope, fortitude, and Christ’s boundless love in the face of hate and ignorance. And now they are permitted by law, among other rights, to be there for one another if/when one is sick and/or dying in the hospital. This is a good thing. This is of God.

In our own words “respect for the God-given dignity of all persons means the recognition of human rights and responsibilities.” (USCCB, Always our Children, 1997). “The teachings of the Church make it clear that the fundamental human rights of homosexual persons must be defended and that all of us must strive to eliminate any forms of injustice, oppression, or violence against them” (The Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons, 1986, no. 10). This ruling is not about religious liberty but rather was an end to unjust discrimination and inequality and I think most Catholics feel very comfortable celebrating this all too rare occurrence in which love has indeed won….