Crazy Catholic Question #44: Our Children's Spiritual Growth

How do I know if my child is “where they should be” in their spiritual development?
Welp, personally, I don’t think it’s very helpful, especially in regards to spiritual development, to “should ourselves.” I think we would all be better off and much happier, healthier people if we could retire from the overuse of that word.

As parents, we are aware of our child’s growth in many ways. We measure their growth physically by the little lines that mark their height in our doorways or by the way their pants fit (my grandpa used to ask me “When’s the flood coming?”) We measure their academic progress by listening to them read aloud and discussing their report cards. We measure their athletic ability by appreciating their coordination and abilities in a variety of sports. We measure their social and interactive skills by watching them play with others, address adults, negotiate conflict and how regularly they employ the all important “please” and “thank yous” that we have drilled into them over the years. In working with our children here at CTR, I would say we are all doing a rather bang-up job in aiding in our children’s development in a variety of ways.

Now, let’s change realms…and our language a bit. Instead of “measure,” let’s ask “How have we ‘observed’ our child’s spiritual growth?” This, I find as a parent, is a little more tricky to assess, yes? A few questions that may help…

· Do our children have a spirit of joy and inner peace?

· Is there a curiosity about God and things of the Spirit?

· Is there a desire and an ability to initiate prayer?

· Is there an ability to make good decisions?

· Is there an interest and a growing understanding of the Bible?

· Are there signs of generosity and an acceptance and desire to help others?

· Is there an awareness of God’s gifts in creation, animals, etc.?

· Is there an attentiveness and participation at Mass? (FYI being an altar server has IMMENSELY helped my most fidgety child focus…and she loves it! For info contact Pamela Koczak (248) 227-2372, pkoczak@sbcglobal.net).

We also may ask ourselves what traditions were most important in OUR childhood formation, i.e. bedtime prayers, grace at meals, weekly Mass, family rosary, advent wreath, etc. Which ones are we doing? Or not? And why? I know I still cross myself whenever I hear a siren. I don’t think we can’t underestimate the power of these little rituals. They are little opportunities for God to in-break into our daily lives.

Here is a great idea I gleaned at a conference and immediately instituted in our home.

In the morning I ask my kids “Which of the 7 GIFTS of the Spirit do you need most today? Knowledge, Courage, Understanding, Reverence, Wonder & Awe, Right Judgment, Wisdom” and then I sign a little cross on their foreheads and pray “Vivienne, today may the Spirit give you the gift of _____.”

At bedtime I ask “For which of the FRUITS of the Spirit are you most grateful for today? Joy, Faithfulness, Peace, Gentleness, Goodness, Patience, Love, Kindness, Self-Control...” A wonderful, brief conversation often ensues about their day and why this gift was important. This helps our kids (and US) to identify and speak meaningfully about how the Holy Spirit is active in our daily lives. Simple & Essential.

In the end, (I like to remind myself) God IS present and at work in and through our imperfection and ‘what we have left undone’ AND also have confidence that in continuing to love and care for our children we ARE indeed teaching them in the most concrete and trustworthy way of the love God has for each of us.