Crazy Catholic Question # 29: Self-sacrifice

Self-sacrifice? <insert head-scratch here>

I remember once quoting Sesame Street to my three-year old saying “It’s fun to share!” and her quite confidently replying “No it’s not Momma” and looking at me like, “What world are YOU living in?”

Self-sacrifice is not our natural state. The desire to be “on top” comes with the territory of being alive. St. Thomas Aquinas said that everything living wants to survive and expand in being. In plants and animals this drive stays on the biological level. But in humans it becomes more complex. Not only do we want to physically survive, we want to be important and esteemed, and sometimes we will hit some rather disgraceful lows in our pursuit of recognition and success in the world’s eyes. None of us are strangers to self-interest. But, it doesn’t satisfy in the end, as this anonymous little piece says:

How To Be Miserable
Think about yourself.
Talk about yourself.
Use "I" as often as possible.
Listen greedily to what people say about you.
Expect to be appreciated.
Be suspicious.
Be jealous and envious.
Be sensitive to slights.
Never forgive a criticism.
Trust nobody but yourself.
Insist on consideration and respect.
Demand agreement with your own views on everything.
Do as little as possible for others.

Sure we have our good days, but no matter how old and wise we get, we still have our bad days too when we succumb to our “bottom-of-the-barrel” selves….

I love the quote from Anne Lamott who said: “I’ve thought such evil, awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish.”

And yet, at the same time, we immediately recognize goodness. We are moved by stories of great sacrifice and selflessness. When an individual makes a choice to give of themselves for the greater good, we hear in that story God calling us to something deeper and truer…. something is awakened in us….

For example, the story of the young boy who had the perfect blood-match to save his older sister from a fatal form of leukemia. So the doctors and his parents came to him and asked “Will you give your sister your blood?”

And the boy thought about it for a few minutes and then said “Yes, I will…for my sister.” So when the day came they put the needle in the child’s arm and started the transfusion, and as he watched his blood go out of him and into his sister he asked the doctor “So, when do I die?”

Self-preservation may be our default setting, but something wonderful in us recognizes the beauty in stories such as this in which people set aside their drive for self-interest to carry out amazing acts of love.

This is the humanity that we witness in Jesus this Palm Sunday. Jesus is always calling us to this higher self…our best self. Jesus is God’s way of communicating to us what being human can look like…is designed to look like. St. Thomas Aquinas says “the mission of Jesus from the Father is NOT the mission to be crucified; what the Father wished is that Jesus should be human.” Jesus’ life was so tragic because of what being a loving, compassionate human person in our world sometimes costs.

All our little sacrifices, our little deaths to our self-centered selves are not a loss but a key part of our growth and transition into abundant life: our own death and resurrection. Henri Nouwen said “Our humanity comes to its fullest bloom in giving. We become beautiful people when we give whatever we can give: a smile, a handshake, a kiss, an embrace, a word of love, a present, a part of our life...all of our life.”

Send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns at: http://crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com

Crazy Catholic Question #28: Reconciliation

When is my child ready for the Sacrament of Reconciliation?
A quick story: My daughter Lauren was in fourth grade at the time and her sister Audrey in second. One day I picked them up from school and Lauren was enjoying a yummy candy bar. Audrey asked “Where did you get that?” Lauren replied “From Joel.” Now, Joel happened to be Audrey’s best friend at the time (the plot thickens). So Audrey, understandably, was very confused. She asked Lauren with the deep pain of being jilted in her voice “So, Joel gave YOU a candy bar but didn’t send one for me? Why would he do that?” Lauren just shrugged her shoulders and continued to enjoy her candy. Audrey was just devastated. Feeling snubbed, the big crocodile tears started to roll and Audrey cried “I just don’t understand Momma, why would Joel give Lauren candy and not me? Do you think he isn’t my best friend anymore?” I tried to comfort Audrey “Oh honey, I’m sure you are still Joel’s best friend, maybe he only had one piece of candy…etc, etc.”

Eventually we were driving in silence; I not knowing how to comfort Audrey any further as she continued to whimper in confusion and Lauren being unusually quiet. As we pulled into the driveway, all of a sudden Lauren blurted out “Mom, I need to tell you something! Joel actually gave me two pieces of candy, one for me and one for Audrey….but I ate them both.” Audrey’s face first registered relief that Joel hadn’t forgotten her and then I had to diffuse the rightful tirade of anger and indignation she wielded at her sister. After the dust settled and apologies were made, Audrey left in a huff to go into the house and Lauren and I stayed in the car to chat about what she thought her punishment for this selfish act should be. Her response was classic. “Mom, I don’t care how you punish me…I’m just glad I told you because I was soooo sweating!!!” It was at that moment I knew Lauren was ready for the Sacrament of Reconciliation!

Our Catholic guidelines recommend that children should begin preparation at the “age of discretion” (usually ages 7-9) when they can determine right from wrong to the best of their ability with the right intentions. Parents are the best judges for when the time is right (and, of course, the primary Catechists of what is morally right and wrong).

There is a helpful study by Harvard Professor Lawrence Kohlberg that identifies 6 stages of moral development. Opinions vary, but many think our Catholic “age of discretion” lands around stage 4 and hopefully will continue to grow with the guidance of all of us – the faithful, the Church - into Stage 6. Though, there are still adults stalled in stage 1 and some kids who have already arrived at stage 6, so everyone is different.

Kohlberg’s Stages of Moral Development in short:
Stage 1: I do it so I don't get in trouble
Stage 2: I do it so I get something out of it
Stage 3: I do it so you like me
Stage 4: I do it because it is the law, and I respect the law
Stage 5: I do it because of a social contract we have with each other
Stage 6: I do it because it is the right thing to do

If you feel your child is ready to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation (traditionally in 4th grade here at CTR), please register for one of our two upcoming workshops on Mar 23 or 24 at 7PM by emailing eduadmin@ctredeemer.org or call the office. 

Incidentally, surveys show that 42% of Catholic adults, when asked how often they went to confession, answered “Never.” Without a doubt, if we parents don’t “get” this Sacrament, it is rather certain our children won’t either. So, maybe this Lent we can be intentional about taking a fresh look at this great gift from our church….for ourselves and for our kiddos!

These GREAT videos listed below are a terrific start – and only 11 minutes in total!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wz5-vu6A58E (Overview)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJg29UG6028 (A step-by-step of what we “do”)

Crazy Catholic Question #27: Other Religions

Exodus reads “I am the Lord your God. You shall not have other gods before me” and yet in this past weekend we prayed for unity with Muslims. Why would we want to unify with those adoring a false God?”

Fr. Joe happened to see this question submitted on Monday morning before I did and he offered a succinct and spot on answer. He responded “In reading your question I see that the apparent contradiction you highlight comes from a misunderstanding of Catholic teaching. Muslims do not worship a false God, they worship God. We use the name God in English; the name for God in Arabic is Allah and the Hebrew name for God is Yahweh or Elohim. All three Abrahamic religions worship the same God. I highly suggest you read the very significant document from the Second Vatican Council on our relationship not only to the Abrahamic religions, but to other regions as well. Its only two and a half pages long, entitled Nostra Aetate, 1965.”

Below are a few adapted excerpts from the document Fr. Joe cites, the full document is here: www.urbandharma.org/pdf/NostraAetate.pdf

“In our time, when humankind is being drawn closer together, and the ties between different peoples are becoming stronger, the Church examines more closely the relationship to non-Christian religions. In her task of promoting unity and love among people and nations, she considers above all what all people have in common and what draws them to fellowship.

One is the community of all peoples, one their origin, for God made the whole human race…One also is our final goal, God. God’s providence, manifestations of goodness, and saving design extend to all people….all religions try to counter the restlessness of the human heart, each in its own manner, by proposing teachings, rules of life, and sacred rites. The Catholic Church rejects nothing that is true and holy in these religions. She regards with sincere reverence those ways of conduct and of life, those teachings which, though differing in many aspects from the ones she holds and sets forth, nonetheless often reflect a ray of that Truth which enlightens all people….

The Church exhorts her children, that through dialogue and collaboration with the followers of other religions, carried out with prudence and love, in witness to the Christian faith and life, they recognize, preserve and promote the good things, spiritual and moral, as well as the socio-cultural values found among these people….

The church has a high regard for the Muslims. They worship God, who is one, living and subsistent, merciful and almighty, the Creator of heaven and earth, who has also spoken to humanity. They endeavor to submit themselves without reserve to God, just as Abraham did, to whose faith Muslims eagerly link their own. Although not acknowledging him as God, they venerate Jesus as a prophet; his virgin Mother they also honor, and even at times devoutly invoke….they highly esteem an upright life and worship God, especially by way of prayer, alms-deeds and fasting. Many quarrels have arisen between Christians and Muslims. We plead with all to forget the past, and urge a sincere effort be made to achieve mutual understanding; for the benefit of all, let us together preserve and promote peace, liberty, social justice and moral values….

Our relation to God and our relation with one another are so linked together that Scripture says: "He who does not love does not know God" (1 John 4:8)….The Church reproves, as foreign to the mind of Christ, any discrimination or harassment due to race, color, condition of life, or religion. On the contrary, we ardently implore the Christian faithful to "maintain good fellowship among the nations" (1 Peter 2:12), and, if possible, to live for their part in peace with all people…

Crazy Catholic Question #26: Bait & Switch

My kid keeps asking about why Jesus died on the cross.  I’m having difficulty explaining it.  What would you suggest? 

I’m a big Salvation Army shopper and on one trip I discovered one of those big aqua blue “Bible Story” books they used to have in doctor’s offices.  Some of my fellow “Gen-Xers” may remember them.  They had very colorful and intricate illustrations.  And so, for nostalgia, I bought one for my daughter Lauren who was about 4-years-old at the time. 

On the way home she was sitting happily in her car seat flipping through the pages and then all of a sudden I heard her take in a gasp of air and she said “Ooooh mama, this book is not for kids!”

And I immediately had a series of panicky flashes of all the terrible things that could be stuck in the pages of that book from the Salvation Army.  God knows who donated it!  So I pulled over and asked her to show me what she was looking at and she held up the book and pointed to a graphic illustration of the crucifixion.  I had handed a book to my toddler featuring pictures of a violent murder.   

Sometimes I think the striking image of the cross that made my 4-year-old gasp no longer hits us with its full force.  We have become desensitized and dulled to the violence of it all.  The crucifix has been tamed to the point of being a flimsy fashion statement.   Think about it.  Isn’t it rather startling and unnerving that the primary symbol of our faith is an instrument of torture?  Not unlike a modern day religion choosing the symbol of the electric chair or the gas chamber.   

So, how DO we explain Jesus’ suffering to our young children?   I’m not sure I have a full answer to this poignant question, but I can share a bit of what I tried with my older daughters (now ages 12 & 9) when they were younger and continue to try and do with my five-year-old.

My first attempt was always a blatant “Bait and Switch.”  Truth be told, Christianity with its deep and complex soteriology (which many theologically astute adults still struggle to grasp), is a solidly adult endeavor.   My daughter was right, in some ways Christianity is “not for kids.”   So, when they were very young, my first response to my children’s questions about the cross was to attempt to move their thoughts and questions to rather ponder and wonder about what Jesus meant when he described himself as the “Good Shepherd” or “The Light of the World.” 

In particular, the image of the Good Shepherd seemed especially satisfying to my kids.  This image that Jesus himself used to describe his mission and work is a rich and meaningful parable that in no way waters down of the truth at the very heart of who Jesus was and continues to be for us.  But it does avoid, for the moment at least, telling our littlest ones the sad turn that the story takes…about what happened to our true good and faithful shepherd on Calvary because he was courageous enough to love us, even to death. 

Not so slyly directing my kids to this parable was an unapologetic attempt to buy myself some time and some maturing in them before having to explain the significance of the Jesus’ brutal death.   Suffering finds all of us eventually and the cross helps us know we are not alone, but there is no harm in delaying or hurry to introduce some of the more complex aspects our faith to our kiddos. (Check out the “Mini-Lenten-Retreats” on the Good Shepherd parable we are offering for Families with elementary-age children!).

Crazy Catholic Question #25: Trusting God

I have a hard time trusting God.  How can I draw nearer to God? 

The way we conceive of our God; as hostile or loving, “on our team” or “the giant task master in the sky”, judge or defender, etc. effects our whole life. In a substantial way, our image of God will determine our sense of purpose, our capacity for joy and happiness, and our ability to love and connect with others. 

In the terrific little book called Good Goats, the authors (Linns) state that in a very real and concrete way, we become the God we adore. “If we adore a warrior God, we become war-like.  If we know a stern, judgmental God, we become judgmental.  If our God is petty and over-scrupulous, so we too become petty and over-scrupulous.”  It reminds me of that old joke “God made us in His own image and likeness and we have been trying to repay the favor ever since!”   We definitely tend to project our “smallness” onto God, no?

Fr. John Powell in his old gem of a book The Christian Vision tells the story of a man who comes home drunk one night only to observe a thirty-five foot snake on his lawn.  He becomes so afraid that he gets a hoe from the garage and frantically chops it up.  The next morning he discovers, to his immense humiliation, that he has chopped his garden hose into pieces.  This story highlights how much of our behavior is based on our perception.  If you see a hose as a snake, then – to you – it is a snake. 

God is always offering us love and acceptance, like the sun offers light and heat (not because we have earned it but because God IS love…love is God’s essence), and we are either open or closed to this free gift based on our perception of God.  We are either basking in it or unwittingly hiding from this love, and our ability to love and accept others is largely dependent on our openness to receive love and acceptance from God. 

Some of us inherited a skewed image of God that we have lived with our whole life and possibly never questioned - or even felt qualified to question.  If you have been taught to see God has a judgmental, fickle, threatening presence - whether or not this is something based on truth or not - it IS the truth for you…and your behavior will reflect this perception.

Fr. Ron Rolheiser says “The God that Jesus reveals to us is a God of infinite abundance. Inside God there is no scarcity, no stinginess, no sparing of mercy… God’s love and mercy are limitlessness.”  Our job, as Paul Tillich puts it, is to muster the “courage to accept acceptance.”  And sometimes, given the image of God we inherited, this is no small bit of work on our part…a real leap of faith.

Certainly part of our deepening our trust in God can be to simply ask for it in prayer.   Henry Nouwen likens prayer as going from clenched fists to open hands.  Our clenched fists represent everything we are clinging to, or angry about, or scared of…our security in the things we can see, all our ideologies, the places where we need to grow in trust that God has our best interests in mind.

Prayer works to open our clenched fists, to let go of those things that are not of God, to open our hands to receive all that God wishes to give us.   Maybe that is our work this Lent - to invite God to gently pull back one finger at a time until we are able to come to God with open hands.

Crazy Catholic Questions #24: Only Catholics Allowed

Why do some priests at funeral and wedding Masses announce that only Catholics in ‘good standing’ can receive Communion?

Those of you who somehow managed to make it to church on Superbowl weekend with the pummeling of “snowmagedon” we received heard a gospel message very much inspired by this heartfelt question (thanks for the inspiration Elaine!).  If you missed it you can still listen to it (short, 10 minutes) for at least one more week on our website at http://www.ctredeemer.org/february-2-2015/

The jest of it is this….

The religious leaders of Jesus’ day were obsessed with purity.  The scribe’s advice to maintain purity was to avoid anything unclean.  The scribes set and maintained boundaries.   John Shea says “Jesus boldly crosses this boundary of clean and unclean.  This boundary had become a division, and the division had lead to exclusion.  Jesus represents God’s loving outreach to those whom society, in the name of holiness, had pushed away and whom Jesus, in the name of holiness, draws in.”  Jesus is teaching us that the path of love sometimes requires that we cross boundaries.

The prohibition on meal sharing with the unclean was a particularly deep seated religious, social and cultural boundary and yet Diarmuid O'murchu says “For Jesus, there seems to be no doubt about the fact that the table always had to be open.  Nobody, for any reason, was to be excluded. All are brought in till the banquet hall is full.  Prostitutes, sinners, tax-collectors, the outcasts and marginalized of every type were welcome.  Not merely were they the beneficiaries of some new bold hospitality, but they were the ones who had the primary right to be at table with Jesus.  There is no moralizing or hints of getting all these wayward people to change their lifestyles.    And it’s not some kind of patronizing reassurance or comforting gesture, for those who are oppressed either.  Jesus’ countercultural and subversive agenda is to heal and empower the oppressed.  All of which justifies the observation made by some scripture scholars: that Jesus was crucified because of how he ate.”

At least 5 people in the past 6 months have shared with me how amazed and touched they were when Fr. Joe caught them after Mass and asked them why they were not receiving Eucharist and then after listening to their various reasons encouraged them to come to the table and eat.  I told Fr. Joe how remarkable I thought this practice was and he, of course, being the walking encyclopedia he is, had the name and verse of the encyclical that supports this pastoral practice right at his finger tips.  Here is it, Pope John Paul II’s encyclical entitled Ut Unum Sint reads:

“It is a source of joy to note that Catholic ministers are able, in certain particular cases, to administer the Sacraments of the Eucharist, Penance and Anointing of the Sick to Christians who are not in full communion with the Catholic Church but who greatly desire to receive these sacraments, freely request them and manifest the faith which the Catholic Church professes with regard to these sacraments.”  A source of joy indeed….

On pondering all this, a wonderful CTR woman brought me this brilliant piece written by Fr. Tom Lumpkin that expertly sums up our hopes for our communion here at CTR. 

“We extend a special welcome to those who are 

single, married, divorced, gay, filthy rich, dirt poor, y no habla ingles. 

We extend a special welcome to those who are crying newborns, 

skinny as a rail, or could afford to lose a few pounds. 

We welcome you if you can sing like Andrea Bocelli or can’t carry a note in a bucket. 

You’re welcome here if you’re just browsing,” or just got out of jail. 

We don’t care if you are more Catholic than the Pope 

or haven’t been to church since little Joey’s baptism. 

We welcome soccer moms, NASCAR dads, starving artists, tree-huggers, 

latte-sippers, vegetarians, junk food eaters. 

We welcome those who are in recovery or are still addicted. 

We welcome you if you’re having problems, or you’re down in the dumps, 

or you don’t like ‘organized religion,” we’ve been there too. 

If you blew all your money at the dog track, you’re welcome here. 

We welcome those who are inked, pierced or both. 

We offer a special welcome to those who could use a prayer right now, had religion shoved down their throat as a kid, or got lost in traffic and wound up here by mistake. 

We welcome tourists, seekers, doubters, bleeding hearts, and YOU!”

Crazy Catholic Questions #23: What's up for Lent?

So it is February and Lent is fast approaching!   What do we have planned here at Christ the Redeemer? 

In a word: LOTS!   Ash Wednesday is Feb. 18^th  and we have many prayer opportunities planned at different times during the day: 8AM, 11AM, 1PM, 4PM & 7PM.  THEN each Thursday evening in Lent we have something different planned….

FIRST, on the Thursday immediately following Ash Weds at 7PM we begin with a unique theatrical presentation of the Gospel of Mark entitled “Afraid” from actor Frank Runyeon (see detailed ad on page ??).

NEXT, join us on Thursday, Feb. 26^th at 7PM as Fr. Joe breaks opens all the "secret" features of the fascinating and complex Gospel of Mark. A perfect Lenten evening, especially on the heels of Runyeon's performance…

THEN, for the following three Thursday evenings, March 5, 12, & 19 we are VERY blessed and grateful to have Fr. Vic Clore skillfully lead us through Pope Francis’ current signature work entitled The Joy of the Gospel (Evangelii Gaudium).   This apostolic exhortation is a thought provoking, challenging and insightful work that basically lays out Pope Francis’ vision for his papacy and the future of the Catholic Church.

Fr. Clore is truly a gifted, brilliant priest/presenter with a deeply pastoral touch.   He has been a parish priest in the Archdiocese of Detroit since 1966. He holds degrees in Systematic Theology (STL) and Psychology (PhD), with specialties in faith development and the integration of psychology and spirituality.  His formation in spiritual direction is rooted in the Jesuit Institute for Retreat and Spiritual Direction at Colombiere in Clarkston, MI, and in Jungian analysis.  Fr. Vic is currently pastor of Christ the King Parish in Detroit and is also on the staff of the Dominican Center for Religious Development where he directs retreats and is on the faculty of the Internship in Spiritual Direction Program.   We will no doubt be enlightened and edified by his presentations and presence! 

Interested to know more about where we, as Catholics, are headed?  Join our study and discussion with Fr. Vic – you won’t be disappointed!    We will begin with a soup supper at 6PM, Fr. Vic at 7PM.  Childcare provided!

Also, if you have the time & inclination, A FREE printable version of The Joy of the Gospel is available at:  http://w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/apost_exhortations/documents/papa-francesco_esortazione-ap_20131124_evangelii-gaudium.html

AND a FREE and convenient audio podcast (great for your commute to work!) at :  http://www.fullycatholic.com/evangelii-gaudium-audio

Lastly, as I mentioned in the Gospel Reflection last weekend the brilliant theologian & poet Diarmuid O'Murchu is presenting at the parish I used to work at, St. John Fisher, right across from Oakland University March 26-29, more info at Retreat with O'Murchu Schedule

So, again, LOTS of opportunities to deepen our faith, understanding and draw nearer to God this holy season of Lent!  I look forward to ‘being church’ with you!