Crazy Catholic
Question # 134: I don’t “get” prayer. I just don’t feel like I’m doing it
right. Any insights?
I
think we all wonder if our prayer, with all its distractions and missteps, really
“qualifies” or is effective. We have so many “shoulds” and “oughts” that derail
us; we should be in the right “head space” (whatever that means) or we ought to
be able to shake off all the stress brought by the umpteen things that battle
for our attention every moment of the day. We think that unless we feel
altruistic and pure and are able to muster up the appropriate reverence and
attention that God deserves, that we can’t even begin to enter into true
prayer.
Before
coming to prayer we think we need to sweep away all our feelings of boredom, or
exhaustion, and try to put out of our mind the anger we have about how our boss
treats us, or how worried we are about our finances and future. We think these
thoughts and feelings are somehow disappointing to God, breaches of our trust
in His providence. Instead we try to muster up feelings of reverence. We murmur
words of praise and gratitude, but they feel manufactured…contrived…and indeed
they are.
God
for us then becomes like a parent who only wishes to spend time with us when we
are at the top of our game; on our best behavior. We treat God as a visitor, a
distant figure of authority, someone who we only permit to see us in our most
polished state (Rolheiser).
One
of the oldest classical definitions of prayer is to “lift our hearts and minds
to God.” And what I have just described
couldn’t be further from this practice. In fact it’s the direct opposite – it’s
like masking the true content of our hearts and minds FROM God. In short, God
cannot find us where we think we ought to be.
So,
I imagine the first step is to shake the misconception that we somehow have to “shape-up”
before we pray and rather fearlessly open ourselves up and believe that God
welcomes, accepts and loves us without boundary or breaking point just as we
are, not as we think we should be and that every feeling and thought we have is
suitable to bring to God in prayer – no matter how irreverent – how full of
doubt or anger – or how unholy we may deem them to be. We need to completely
stop editing ourselves and trust that God is up for the task.
In
a word, we need to be transparent and this makes it much easier to “pray
without ceasing” as St. Paul urges us to do. “Praying always” doesn’t mean we
should constantly be walking around saying Our Fathers in our heads all day,
but is more like cultivating a certain awareness that we carry with us
everywhere we go, in every situation we face in life. Like the businessman who
travels with his work. Yes, of course he calls home in a concrete way a few
times a day, but he carries an awareness of his wife and family everywhere he
goes. Even amid his busy schedule and fast-paced meetings, he still remains
anchored in the awareness that he is a husband and a father first - these
relationships are the foundation of his life.
So
too with God. God is not so needy that He needs us to be explicitly thinking of
Him every minute of the day. Rather to “pray without ceasing” is a way of being
in the world, anchored in our relationship with God, aware of the love we are
receiving and giving in everything we do.
Send
your Crazy Catholic Question to Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org or read past
columns via our website at www.ctredeemer.org.
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