CCQ #136 What does it mean to “remain” or
“abide”?
On the night
before He died, Jesus gathered his small group of friends, who had seen him
through the thick and thin of his earthly ministry, and gave them this parable
“I am the vine, you are the branches, remain in me as I remain in you.” In the span
of just a few verses he uses the verb “to remain” over 10 times.
Ann Garrido in
her book Redeeming Conflict says that “Remaining is perhaps the most
difficult of activities humans ever undertake.” Jesus knows his disciples are
going to face hard times, and they are going to be tempted to hang up their
cleats. But Jesus’ prayer is that they (and WE) will be able “to remain” - because
our togetherness is essential to our purpose, our calling, to the kingdom that
Jesus dreamed of and spoke of so often. She says
“While we readily acknowledge the skill
and practice it takes to keep moving when others would be inclined to give up,
we rarely give more than lip service to the immense skill and practice it takes
to remain when other would be inclined to move on.”
No matter how
many books we read on good communication and building strong relationships, no
matter how much we love our friends and family, conflict happens. It’s never a
question of “IF”- it’s only a question
of “WHEN” will the conflict come and how will we respond. It seems so much
easier to ignore and avoid the conflict and simply take our toys and go home in
response. We say to ourselves - this is just too much, too hard, too much
drama. But, the compelling vision of Jesus is one of inclusion, of
togetherness, of remaining.
This does NOT
mean we are called to withstand abuse. Jesus never calls us to be a doormat.
But rather, we are compelled to learn how to communicate clearly and peaceably,
while discerning essential boundaries so that we are able to maintain our
relationships in a healthy way. Garrido suggests that when we offer the vision
and practice the skills to do conflict well, we light the path for ourselves and
those near to us to be able to remain.
Jesus wants us to
realize that we are part of the flow of God’s love. He says “As the Father has
loved me, so I love you.” He is asking us to not break this chain of love. To
remain a conduit and love others as we have been loved. This is Jesus’ dream
for our world, this is what will bring us and our lives to full fruition. The
Kingdom is built not one brick, but one messy, unpredictable relationship at a
time.
What if (in light
of chaos theory that has absolutely seized my imagination of late) conflict is
important? Essential? It certainly flourishes in nature. And we are part of
nature. What if conflict is a necessary part of creation; just part and parcel
of our diversity, different temperaments, values, personalities and priorities
and the way in which we respond can change the future in dramatic ways? James Surowiecki, in his
book The Wisdom of Crowds states that “the best collective decisions are
the product of disagreement and contest, not consensus or compromise.”
Huh…who’da thunk?
Ann Garrido
concludes “If we manage to remain, it turns out that conflict can be redeeming.
Our aim is not to fix or avoid it but rather to manage it in such a way that we
rob it of the power to divide and fragment while heightening its power to
educate and illumine.”
Send your Crazy
Catholic Question to Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns via our website at www.ctredeemer.org.
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