Crazy Catholic Question #58: Help! Advent is a blur!

I’m a parent of young children, Advent is usually a blur of holiday preparation and the joys and exhausting chaos of school break - any recommendations on how to draw nearer to God and be more centered & present?

I hear you! Advent is my very favorite season of the year, but it can be a difficult one to truly enter into spiritually, especially if you have small children. I advise against taking on any rigorous new spiritual discipline during this busy time, but there is one simple one that may help. Wine. Making it wasn’t Jesus’ first miracle for nothing! Ha Ha. No, kidding aside, truly St. Ignatius taught a very simple spiritual practice called the “Examen” that is a “small but mighty” way to keep our eyes on Jesus and the beauty of the incarnation this sacred season. 

Here is it….short and sweet:

Recognize the presence of God Take a few deep breathes. Be still and know that you are with God.

Look at your day with gratitude Acknowledge God in the big and small things of life.

Review your day When or where in the past 24 hours did you feel you were cooperating most fully with God’s action in your life? When were you resisting?

Ask yourself:  

What habits and life patterns do I notice?

When did I feel most alive? Most drained of life?
When did I have the greatest sense of belonging? When did I feel most alone?
When did I give love? Where did I receive love?
When did I feel most fully myself? Least myself?
When did I feel most whole? Most fragmented?

Reconcile and Resolve
Seek forgiveness
Ask for direction
Share a concern
Express gratitude
Resolve to move forward

A cool website on this daily Examen: http://www.sacredspace.ie/

Also, I highly recommend a little book called This Blessed Mess by Patricia Livingston.

Some days, my Examen reminds me of this lovely post from Rebecca Ruiz entitled A Mom’s Examen (aka “The Burnt Cookie Examen”)

Lord, here I am in your presence.
I’m having a hard time with gratitude right now so please, Lord,
help me to see past the burnt cookies, spilt flour, and milk too.
Piles of dishes, and mountains of laundry too.
Soggy soccer gear, bags of groceries on the floor.
Kids’ tantrums, and grandpa’s too.
My breathless frustrations and imperfections.
Because, Lord, I know that you are all good,
and you are with me through it all.
Each moment, each day, a gift.
I offer you myself, my efforts this day, so imperfect, yet so true.
I offer them to you, my God, who sees beauty where I see mess.
Who makes all things whole, and nothing less.
Remind me, Lord, of the privilege I have in serving you
in the family, in the mundane.
Remind me, Lord, of the gift of food that makes the dishes dirty.
Machines and harnessed power that wash the dishes and laundry too.
You, Lord, who makes a symphony of a practice session.
Gourmet meals of burnt offerings. Harmony from dissonance.
Open my eyes, Lord, to see you in the mud from the field.
You, in the warmth of those around the hearth.
Where I have failed today help me to do better tomorrow.
For where your touch is, there is Grace, Life, Beauty, and Love.
And you know, Lord, I need your Grace, your gentle caress, for imperfect me. 

Imperfect and loved.

Lastly, we have two WONDERFUL Moms groups here at CTR that meet weekly or bi-weekly for faith sharing, friendship and laughter that are always welcoming new participants (childcare provided of course). Happy Advent!

Send your "Crazy Catholic Questions") to dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns at: http://crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com.

Crazy Catholic Question #57: Sympathy & Empathy

What is the difference between sympathy and empathy?

Brene’ Brown says that compassion is a deep, spiritual decision and commitment to practice empathy and that empathy begins with “perspective taking” - being able to see the world as others see it. An example; my 8th grader arrived home the other day very upset because she dislikes having to share a locker at school. She is a bit of a packrat and all her important things are not fitting properly. I listened to 45-minutes of painful, dramatic complaining about this problem, complete with tears.

But what I was thinking right before she arrived home (and honestly, while she was actually talking a bit too…no expert here) was “How can I help my co-worker who is in pain and dying?” (RIP Maryalice) and “How we are going to find and afford another car (transmission blew) AND still manage to have a decent Christmas and continue to pay our mortgage?”

My daughter is talking about how she was so embarrassed when her math book fell out of her locker - because that’s where she is at…in middle school…and I’m thinking “Has my sister noticed like I have how bad my Dad’s memory is getting?” "What can our family do to ease the suffering of the refugees from war in our world?"  Am I alone in finding it super difficult to listen empathetically to my kids? Their experience is so different than ours as adults, right? What I wanted to say to her is “locker problems are not on my radar right now - they don’t qualify as urgent” or something along the lines of “Grow up! Count your blessings! Buck up!” Not very empathetic I’m afraid….

Brene’ goes on to say that empathy is also wholly non-judgmental. Sounds like someone else we know, right? How many times does Jesus say “Do not judge” in the scriptures? Empathy only happens if we stay out of judgment. It’s about knowing ourselves, not being afraid to share our own imperfections and effectively communicating that incredibly healing message of “You’re not alone.”

Pema Chödrön, writes: “Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we sit in the dark with others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” Absolutely beautiful.

How is this different than sympathy? Brown offers this image. Let’s say we have a friend who's fallen down into a hole (i.e. depression, addiction, shame from any number of bad choices) and we call down and ask “Are you OK?” And our friend responds, “No, I'm really struggling.”

And we offer, “Can I come be with you?” and we go down into the hole to be with our friend, but only if we know how to get back out! Namely we take our “listening-with- perspective-taking-and-no-judgment” skills; in short, neither of us gets out of the hole without empathy.

Sympathy on the other hand is walking up to the edge of the hole and saying “What’s happening friend?” and our friend responds “Something really bad happened” and we say “Oh, sorry to hear that, but there is no way I’m going down into that hole. I’ll feel bad for you up here where people don’t do the kind of stuff that gets them into holes like the one you are in.”

Sympathy or “you poor soul” kind of sentiments, actually distance us from one another. Empathy recognizes that our “imperfections are not inadequacies; but rather reminders that we're all in this together” and that God doesn’t love us despite our faults and failures but in and through them he connects us and builds God’s kingdom.

Send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns at: http://crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com.

Crazy Catholic Question #56: Why do Catholics do that?

Why Do Catholics Do That?
Are YOU someone….Or do you KNOW someone who….
· Often wonders “Why do Catholics do that?”
· Has never received First Communion?
· Has never been Confirmed?
· Has expressed an interest in becoming Catholic?
· Has a child over the age of seven who has not been baptized?

If you are interested in learning more about the Catholic Faith or perhaps have been thinking of becoming a member of Christ the Redeemer, you may wish to consider being a part of our RCIA process.

The RCIA, which stands for Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults, has its origins in the earliest centuries of the Church as a way for welcoming new members into the Catholic community. It is an ancient practice of the Church restored by the Second Vatican Council as the normal way adults prepare for baptism and enter the Catholic Church. It includes several stages marked by study, prayer and rites at Mass. Participants undergo a process of conversion as they study the Gospel, profess faith in Jesus, and eventually (at their own pace) receive the sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation and Eucharist. The RCIA is a profound and beautiful way of responding to the words of Jesus: “Come, follow me.”

A friend of mine likened RCIA to those who go through the process of becoming a U.S. Citizen. They enter knowing little about our country but by the time they are naturalized they often know more about our American heritage and history than natural-born citizens. So too with the RCIA. Those participating in the process often end up knowing much more about our rich tradition, history and faith than many of our “cradle Catholics.”

Our weekly meetings provide an opportunity for prayer, study and small group discussion. Sessions focus on our scriptures and the teachings and experience of our faith and prepare individuals to celebrate the Sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation, and Eucharist during the Easter season.

We currently have 16 CTR members involved as Sponsors and/or Team members supporting our RCIA candidates and are always eager to welcome more of our “regulars” to be a part of this meaningful ministry of witness and care.

In short, if you hail from another tradition, we genuinely hope the experience of our community has sparked an interest in knowing more about our Catholic tradition. We also recognize that there are many reasons why some Catholics have never received the Sacraments of First Communion or Confirmation. Whatever your reasons or motivation, now may be the time for you to answer the invitation of Jesus to deepen your faith life. It is never “too late.” Our door is always open. You are welcome to participate in the process with your questions, your insights and your faith story in a warm accepting setting. For more information please contact Lisa Brown and/or send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to dre@ctredeemer.org. Read past columns at: http://crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com. 

Crazy Catholic Question #55: Why Sacramental Prep?

Why do our children need to participate in such elaborate preparation to receive the Sacraments?

First, you would be (and I sure was!) surprised how many times I have been asked this question in my short tenure here. Second, our Sacramental Prep programs are pretty concise and reasonable in comparison to other parishes. Third, though we always defer to the parents’ wisdom here at CTR because they are the primary catechists of their children and the first and most powerful Gospel their children will ever read (Visit: http://www.familyformation.net/ChurchDocumentSupport.asp), here are my two cents….

We believe that our Sacraments have three parts to them: 1) Preparation, 2) Celebration, and 3) Living them out in our daily lives. Eucharist, Reconciliation & Confirmation are not things that "happen to" your child but events that we want them to actively participate in. Our Sacraments are fundamentally public in nature; deep communal experiences that bestow a certain kind of grace that all of us aim to fully receive and savor...to be fully present to…that are given by the community, for the community, and to the community. They are never a private event, but always a collective experience with the purpose of making Christ's presence more real in the world.

In other words, when we baptize our children into the body of Christ it is not just for the salvation of our child, but in a very real way for the salvation of the world. We are initiating them into a life of compassionate service to transform the world with the love of Christ…our membership in this body is what we celebrate each week at the Eucharistic table and affirm at Confirmation. This is the ambitious and stunningly beautiful dream and vision for our world that Jesus gifted to us…

The intimacy with God/Community that we parents so deeply desire for our children is the main aim of our Sacramental preparation process. Just as our child would never ask his/her coach if she could go to a competition without having attended any of the practices because she simply would not be prepared AND would not have that all-important "team" experience and all the relationships that make the activity such a rich, full and essential experience in her life, so too, to only partially or half-heartedly attend our preparation sessions and then have our children celebrate the Sacrament may not being doing them any favors. Sure we want them to be fully initiated, without question. But, we short-change our kids when we don’t whole-heartedly prepare them for these momentous milestones in our faith life.

We in the Office of Family Ministry really do our very best to listen, understand and accommodate busy families (most of our staff are living within them!). We don’t want to force any tough choices…but when our kid is swimming seven days a week, what can be done? And I wonder what we parents are teaching our children when hockey trumps going to Mass on Sunday?

We believe that our Sacraments give us a special strength for the journey when our lives get tough...and we parents (hopefully) know how essential our connection to God and our community is to our spiritual well-being as adults.  In the end, we need to seriously ponder and prayerfully discern which choices are going to serve our kids best in their adult life. 

A quick shout out to Nancy Clancy - her wisdom is reflected in this article.  Send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns at:  http://crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com.

Crazy Catholic Question #54: Descent into Hell

Our creed tells us that Jesus “descended into hell”?   What does this mean?
This question was submitted way back in the winter, but I hadn’t stumbled on a really meaningful answer until hearing Ron Rolheiser’s presentation at the most recent Gerald Martin Conference (GREAT annual conference here in the Detroit area early in August. Always top-notch speakers and Fr. Joe records it so audio files are always available in our library...great listening for your morning commute!) This is a paraphrase of what he said….

Rolheiser begins by telling the story of a young woman he knew who had attempted suicide. She had a very supportive family who got her the very best medical and psychiatric care available. They did everything they possibly could, but they were not successful. Two months later, she killed herself. She had descended into a place into which no human love, medicine, or psychiatry could penetrate, a private hell beyond human reach. How do we cope with our human helplessness in situations such as this?

Rolheiser says that it is our doctrine of Christ’s decent into hell that consoles us when we stand helpless before depression, anger, suicide, alienation and pain that we can’t penetrate. We are helpless, but this doctrine assures us that God is not.

We believe as Christians that our God has revealed in the cross of Jesus an unconditional love that is so powerful that even when we can’t help ourselves, God can help us. Rolheiser says that this the most of consoling doctrine in ALL of religion; there is nothing in Judaism, Hinduism, Islam, or any other religion that approximates it. This doctrine tells us that there is no place we can go where Christ has not been, no hell where Jesus is unable to meet us and redeem us, no place where God is not with us in our suffering. There is no place that God is unwilling to go to find us and love us into life.

Rolheiser cites the famous painting that shows Jesus outside a door with a lantern knocking and a desperate soul inside, but the knob is only on the inside of the door, suggesting that there is no way Jesus can enter unless we open the door to let him in and he says this is all wrong! This painting does not reflect what our Gospels tell us is true.

Rather, the Gospel of John tells us that after Jesus suffered his own personal hell of crucifixion, all his disciples were huddled in fear inside a locked room. But Jesus doesn’t stand outside the door and knock, waiting for them to open the door. He goes right through the locked doors, stands inside their huddled circle of fear, and breathes out peace to them. He isn’t helpless to enter when they are too frightened, depressed, and wounded to open the door for him. He can descend into their hell by going through the doors they have locked out of fear.

We all have private hells where others can no longer reach into our pain and where we are too wounded, frightened, and paralyzed to open the door to let anyone in. But Jesus can enter those locked doors…he can descend into our hell.

He ends by saying this doctrine assures us that the young woman who took her own life woke up on the other side finding Jesus standing inside her fear and sickness and breathing out peace, love, and forgiveness. Now THAT is good news indeed.

Send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns at: http://crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com.

Crazy Catholic Question #53: Equality & Justice

Aren’t equality and justice the same thing?
We have been taught from a very early age that fairness matters. It’s a well-worn loop that plays in our head that says “If someone gets what I am getting - but hasn’t put in as much work as I have then I’m being cheated.”

I like to use this example: I was dolling out some candy to my kids in exchange for their help in cleaning the house (because I believe in the power of bribery) and one of my daughters actually counted the microscopic candy Nerds I gave to her and then eye-balled the candy in her sisters palm and proclaimed “Hey! She got the same as me! I put away the towels AND did the dishes; that’s way more work than she did! That’s not fair!” Yet, no mention was made that she is 13 years old and her sister is only 5 years old. I’m confident that I need not elaborate this point. If there’s a single parent in this parish who hasn’t heard “It’s not fair” about a billion times, I’ll eat my hat. This is a light-hearted example of the key distinction between “fair” and “equal” that Pope Francis has made repeatedly during his pontificate.

Our equality lies in each and every person’s inherent dignity and value as a child of God. But when it comes to justice, what is “fair” is not everyone getting the same, but everyone getting what they need. Just as parents would not treat all their children exactly the same (“equally”) if one of their children had special needs, so too, in our family of the church when one of our members needs more than the usual share of time, resources and encouragement we are called to bend and meet those needs as best as we are able.

“Basic justice calls for the establishment of a floor of material well-being on which all can stand. This is a duty of the whole of society and it creates particular obligations for those with greater resources. Catholic social teaching does not maintain that a flat, arithmetical equality of income and wealth is a demand of justice, but it does challenge economic arrangements that leave large numbers of people impoverished and lacking basic necessities.” (Economic Justice for All: Catholic Social Teaching and the U.S. Economy U.S. Bishops, 1986, #74)

Christian spirituality teaches that our right to private property is not an absolute one. It must be subordinated to the common good, to the fact that the goods of the earth are intended for all. No person, group of persons, or nation may have a surplus of goods if others lack the basic necessities. We are morally obliged to come to the aid of those in need. In giving such aid we are not “doing our good thing for God.” This is not charity, but serving justice. Helping the poor is not an issue of personal virtue and generosity, but something that is demanded of all followers of Jesus.

So, until the present immoral situation within the world, that goes directly against the teachings of Christ, where some individuals and nations have excess while others lack even the most basic of necessities, “fair” is not everyone getting the same, but everyone getting what they need.

Send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns at: http://crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com.