All four gospels tell us that Jesus said “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” What did Jesus mean by this?
I’m not sure I’m qualified to say with any surety “what Jesus meant” but I can share what I would guess at this time in my life, though I will most likely read this article 5 years from now and laugh at myself (I hope). Maybe he meant that if we over-focus, over-identify with our individual lives as separate beings, we will lose our life. We will remain unfulfilled and dead inside. But if we do not over-identify (navel-gaze) with our separate individual life, the death of that self-centered life becomes a stage in a process of transformation. We awaken to what is most important in life and we are joined with God’s Spirit…God’s way of thinking about things….
Perhaps all our little sacrifices, our little deaths to our self-centered selves to develop the habit of self-giving that Jesus calls us to are not a loss but a key part of our growth and transition into abundant life; the route to a true and meaningful life. Maybe by dying to our self we, paradoxically, experience new life. Jesus said “unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”
In his autobiography Nikos Kazantzakis tells how a young man went to visit a famous monk in search of the love of God and hope of salvation. He describes their encounter as follows:
Working up courage, I entered the cave and proceeded toward the voice. The ascetic was curled up on the ground. He raised his head. I did not know what to say, where to begin…Finally I gathered up my courage.
“Do you still wrestle with the devil, Fr. Makarios? I asked him.
“Not any longer, my child. I have grown old now, and he has grown old with me. He doesn’t have the strength…I wrestle with God.”
“With God!” I exclaimed with astonishment. “And you hope to win?”
“I hope to lose, my child. My bones remain with me still, and they continue to resist.”
“Yours is a hard life, Father. I too want to be saved. Is there no other way?”
“More agreeable?” asked the ascetic, smiling compassionately.
“More human, Father.” He replied “One…only one.” “What is it?”
“Ascent. To climb a series of steps. From the full stomach to hunger, from the slaked throat to thirst, from joy to suffering. God sits at the summit of hunger, thirst, and suffering; the devil sits at the summit of a comfortable life. Choose.”
“I am still young. The world is nice. I have time to choose.”
Reaching out his hand, the ascetic touched my knee and pushed me.
“Wake up, my child. Wake up before death wakes you up.”
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