Crazy Catholic Question # 29: Self-sacrifice

Self-sacrifice? <insert head-scratch here>

I remember once quoting Sesame Street to my three-year old saying “It’s fun to share!” and her quite confidently replying “No it’s not Momma” and looking at me like, “What world are YOU living in?”

Self-sacrifice is not our natural state. The desire to be “on top” comes with the territory of being alive. St. Thomas Aquinas said that everything living wants to survive and expand in being. In plants and animals this drive stays on the biological level. But in humans it becomes more complex. Not only do we want to physically survive, we want to be important and esteemed, and sometimes we will hit some rather disgraceful lows in our pursuit of recognition and success in the world’s eyes. None of us are strangers to self-interest. But, it doesn’t satisfy in the end, as this anonymous little piece says:

How To Be Miserable
Think about yourself.
Talk about yourself.
Use "I" as often as possible.
Listen greedily to what people say about you.
Expect to be appreciated.
Be suspicious.
Be jealous and envious.
Be sensitive to slights.
Never forgive a criticism.
Trust nobody but yourself.
Insist on consideration and respect.
Demand agreement with your own views on everything.
Do as little as possible for others.

Sure we have our good days, but no matter how old and wise we get, we still have our bad days too when we succumb to our “bottom-of-the-barrel” selves….

I love the quote from Anne Lamott who said: “I’ve thought such evil, awful thoughts that I cannot even say them out loud because they would make Jesus want to drink gin straight out of the cat dish.”

And yet, at the same time, we immediately recognize goodness. We are moved by stories of great sacrifice and selflessness. When an individual makes a choice to give of themselves for the greater good, we hear in that story God calling us to something deeper and truer…. something is awakened in us….

For example, the story of the young boy who had the perfect blood-match to save his older sister from a fatal form of leukemia. So the doctors and his parents came to him and asked “Will you give your sister your blood?”

And the boy thought about it for a few minutes and then said “Yes, I will…for my sister.” So when the day came they put the needle in the child’s arm and started the transfusion, and as he watched his blood go out of him and into his sister he asked the doctor “So, when do I die?”

Self-preservation may be our default setting, but something wonderful in us recognizes the beauty in stories such as this in which people set aside their drive for self-interest to carry out amazing acts of love.

This is the humanity that we witness in Jesus this Palm Sunday. Jesus is always calling us to this higher self…our best self. Jesus is God’s way of communicating to us what being human can look like…is designed to look like. St. Thomas Aquinas says “the mission of Jesus from the Father is NOT the mission to be crucified; what the Father wished is that Jesus should be human.” Jesus’ life was so tragic because of what being a loving, compassionate human person in our world sometimes costs.

All our little sacrifices, our little deaths to our self-centered selves are not a loss but a key part of our growth and transition into abundant life: our own death and resurrection. Henri Nouwen said “Our humanity comes to its fullest bloom in giving. We become beautiful people when we give whatever we can give: a smile, a handshake, a kiss, an embrace, a word of love, a present, a part of our life...all of our life.”

Send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns at: http://crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com

Crazy Catholic Question #28: Reconciliation

When is my child ready for the Sacrament of Reconciliation?
A quick story: My daughter Lauren was in fourth grade at the time and her sister Audrey in second. One day I picked them up from school and Lauren was enjoying a yummy candy bar. Audrey asked “Where did you get that?” Lauren replied “From Joel.” Now, Joel happened to be Audrey’s best friend at the time (the plot thickens). So Audrey, understandably, was very confused. She asked Lauren with the deep pain of being jilted in her voice “So, Joel gave YOU a candy bar but didn’t send one for me? Why would he do that?” Lauren just shrugged her shoulders and continued to enjoy her candy. Audrey was just devastated. Feeling snubbed, the big crocodile tears started to roll and Audrey cried “I just don’t understand Momma, why would Joel give Lauren candy and not me? Do you think he isn’t my best friend anymore?” I tried to comfort Audrey “Oh honey, I’m sure you are still Joel’s best friend, maybe he only had one piece of candy…etc, etc.”

Eventually we were driving in silence; I not knowing how to comfort Audrey any further as she continued to whimper in confusion and Lauren being unusually quiet. As we pulled into the driveway, all of a sudden Lauren blurted out “Mom, I need to tell you something! Joel actually gave me two pieces of candy, one for me and one for Audrey….but I ate them both.” Audrey’s face first registered relief that Joel hadn’t forgotten her and then I had to diffuse the rightful tirade of anger and indignation she wielded at her sister. After the dust settled and apologies were made, Audrey left in a huff to go into the house and Lauren and I stayed in the car to chat about what she thought her punishment for this selfish act should be. Her response was classic. “Mom, I don’t care how you punish me…I’m just glad I told you because I was soooo sweating!!!” It was at that moment I knew Lauren was ready for the Sacrament of Reconciliation!

Our Catholic guidelines recommend that children should begin preparation at the “age of discretion” (usually ages 7-9) when they can determine right from wrong to the best of their ability with the right intentions. Parents are the best judges for when the time is right (and, of course, the primary Catechists of what is morally right and wrong).

There is a helpful study by Harvard Professor Lawrence Kohlberg that identifies 6 stages of moral development. Opinions vary, but many think our Catholic “age of discretion” lands around stage 4 and hopefully will continue to grow with the guidance of all of us – the faithful, the Church - into Stage 6. Though, there are still adults stalled in stage 1 and some kids who have already arrived at stage 6, so everyone is different.

Kohlberg’s Stages of Moral Development in short:
Stage 1: I do it so I don't get in trouble
Stage 2: I do it so I get something out of it
Stage 3: I do it so you like me
Stage 4: I do it because it is the law, and I respect the law
Stage 5: I do it because of a social contract we have with each other
Stage 6: I do it because it is the right thing to do

If you feel your child is ready to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation (traditionally in 4th grade here at CTR), please register for one of our two upcoming workshops on Mar 23 or 24 at 7PM by emailing eduadmin@ctredeemer.org or call the office. 

Incidentally, surveys show that 42% of Catholic adults, when asked how often they went to confession, answered “Never.” Without a doubt, if we parents don’t “get” this Sacrament, it is rather certain our children won’t either. So, maybe this Lent we can be intentional about taking a fresh look at this great gift from our church….for ourselves and for our kiddos!

These GREAT videos listed below are a terrific start – and only 11 minutes in total!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wz5-vu6A58E (Overview)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJg29UG6028 (A step-by-step of what we “do”)

Crazy Catholic Question #27: Other Religions

Exodus reads “I am the Lord your God. You shall not have other gods before me” and yet in this past weekend we prayed for unity with Muslims. Why would we want to unify with those adoring a false God?”

Fr. Joe happened to see this question submitted on Monday morning before I did and he offered a succinct and spot on answer. He responded “In reading your question I see that the apparent contradiction you highlight comes from a misunderstanding of Catholic teaching. Muslims do not worship a false God, they worship God. We use the name God in English; the name for God in Arabic is Allah and the Hebrew name for God is Yahweh or Elohim. All three Abrahamic religions worship the same God. I highly suggest you read the very significant document from the Second Vatican Council on our relationship not only to the Abrahamic religions, but to other regions as well. Its only two and a half pages long, entitled Nostra Aetate, 1965.”

Below are a few adapted excerpts from the document Fr. Joe cites, the full document is here: www.urbandharma.org/pdf/NostraAetate.pdf

“In our time, when humankind is being drawn closer together, and the ties between different peoples are becoming stronger, the Church examines more closely the relationship to non-Christian religions. In her task of promoting unity and love among people and nations, she considers above all what all people have in common and what draws them to fellowship.

One is the community of all peoples, one their origin, for God made the whole human race…One also is our final goal, God. God’s providence, manifestations of goodness, and saving design extend to all people….all religions try to counter the restlessness of the human heart, each in its own manner, by proposing teachings, rules of life, and sacred rites. The Catholic Church rejects nothing that is true and holy in these religions. She regards with sincere reverence those ways of conduct and of life, those teachings which, though differing in many aspects from the ones she holds and sets forth, nonetheless often reflect a ray of that Truth which enlightens all people….

The Church exhorts her children, that through dialogue and collaboration with the followers of other religions, carried out with prudence and love, in witness to the Christian faith and life, they recognize, preserve and promote the good things, spiritual and moral, as well as the socio-cultural values found among these people….

The church has a high regard for the Muslims. They worship God, who is one, living and subsistent, merciful and almighty, the Creator of heaven and earth, who has also spoken to humanity. They endeavor to submit themselves without reserve to God, just as Abraham did, to whose faith Muslims eagerly link their own. Although not acknowledging him as God, they venerate Jesus as a prophet; his virgin Mother they also honor, and even at times devoutly invoke….they highly esteem an upright life and worship God, especially by way of prayer, alms-deeds and fasting. Many quarrels have arisen between Christians and Muslims. We plead with all to forget the past, and urge a sincere effort be made to achieve mutual understanding; for the benefit of all, let us together preserve and promote peace, liberty, social justice and moral values….

Our relation to God and our relation with one another are so linked together that Scripture says: "He who does not love does not know God" (1 John 4:8)….The Church reproves, as foreign to the mind of Christ, any discrimination or harassment due to race, color, condition of life, or religion. On the contrary, we ardently implore the Christian faithful to "maintain good fellowship among the nations" (1 Peter 2:12), and, if possible, to live for their part in peace with all people…