Saturday, March 25, 2017
Crazy Catholic Question #97: Good Enough Parent
I overheard you talking with another parent after Mass last weekend about being a “Good-Enough” Parent. What do you mean by that?
My daughters are ages 14, 12 & 7. At the last set of teacher conferences, three of their teachers said, in almost identical language, that my girls are very “self-advocating.” At first I wasn’t sure how to take in this information. It felt a bit like a back-handed compliment.
When I shared by bewilderment on the teachers’ comments with a friend, she recommended I google pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott who researched thousands of mothers and their children back in the 50’s and came to realize that children actually benefit when their mothers “fail” them in manageable ways (not major failures of course, such as abuse or neglect). He was the first to proclaim the benefits of being a “good enough” parent in the long-term growth and well-being of our children.
When our babies are infants, we do our best to respond to their every need. As soon as they cry, we rush to snuggle, change or feed them – offering immediate comfort. Our response at this age is crucial in teaching our children that they are safe and will be cared for. But, of course, this level of attentiveness cannot be sustained, nor should it be according to Dr. Winnicott’s study. In fact, he said the best thing we can do is slowly become “good enough” parents. In other words; our children actually need us to fail in tolerable ways on a regular basis so they learn to live in an imperfect world.
He states that every time we don’t hear them call us right away, are unable to give them our full attention, feed them a dinner they don’t particularly enjoy or are unable to attend a concert or game, we are preparing them to accept and function in a world that will quite regularly frustrate and disappoint. Our children learn, through our “failures” that the world doesn’t revolve around them, that life isn’t always fair, that they won’t always get their way. But they also learn that despite life’s inevitable disappointments and conflicts, they will still be okay.
Even if it were somehow possible to be the “perfect” parent (whatever that might look like), the end result would be a fragile child who is unable to cope with even the slightest disappointment. The gift of the “good enough” parent is that perfection is never offered as an option, rather our children learn to accept, expect and rise above the challenging experiences of anger, boredom and sadness. Resilience is the great gift of the “good enough” parent.
Are our children safe, fed, clothed and loved? Are we getting it right most of the time? If yes, then we need to be gentle with ourselves and trust that when our kids feel annoyed or frustrated or sad because we have let them down, that in those many small moments, they learn that life is hard, that they can feel terrible, and that they will bounce back. Each time we disappoint and they get through it, Dr. Winnicott’s research tells us they will be a little bit stronger for it. I like Dr. Winnicott. In fact, I’d like to hug him and have him over for dinner.
Saturday, March 11, 2017
Crazy Catholic Question #96: Finding God
Our Lenten theme “Finding God in my Daily Life” doesn’t come easy for me. How do we “find” or “hear” God?
Personal prayer is an absolute essential for anyone who wants to call themselves a Christian. It is not an optional part of our spiritual lives, it is the core and foundation. We Catholics hold a very strong conviction that God wishes to communicate with us. Our job is to open ourselves to that communication through prayer; to make ourselves available. I call my daily prayer “Butt-in-seat-time.” A bit crass, I know. But for me, it makes the goal manageable. All I aim to do is simply show up everyday. I don’t always want to be there, I often don’t have time to be there, but I do my best to just get my butt in the seat; show-up and shut-up, and let God do the rest.
But what are we really trying to “DO” when we pray? How do we hear God? Well, I think we all know that it is extraordinarily rare for God to show up in our lives through the clouds parting and a booming voice saying “Lisa, listen to me!” - and I think we can be thankful for that! Rather, our tradition suggests that we hear God through the channels that God built; God speaks to us though the things that God created, which makes sense, why wouldn’t God do that, right? We are built with everything we need for this communication. So, here are a handful of ways we can listen for God in our daily lives…
1 – First of all we find God in what God has made, namely creation itself. Can we experience God in a nice, long, silent walk in the woods? Or by playing with a puppy? Studying wildlife? Looking at a leaf through a microscope? Watching a spider spin a web? Holding a newborn child? Without question. For some people observing and enjoying nature and creation is an essential part of prayer and listening for God in their lives.
2 – Second, we hear God’s voice in the scriptures, appropriately called the “Word of God.” The Bible is the number one bestseller of all time. It gets 5 stars on Amazon! If you have never sat down and read a Gospel from start to finish, I can’t imagine a better Lenten goal. I would recommend Luke or Matthew. The New American Bible is a solid translation and I have always found the footnotes very helpful. We have bibles available here at the parish if you would like one. When we listen to the scriptures proclaimed at Mass we believe that in this communal context, our scriptures have an even more potent “living” quality; the readings are God’s Living Word, God’s voice speaking to us through our sacred texts.
3 – Third, we hear God in the teaching of the church, the living, changing, growing tradition of our believing community.
4 – Finally, we hear God by listening for and “noticing” God in our own experiences and inner workings.
God created us for this communication, so all the “stuff” within us is actually designed to sense the presence of God in our lives: our mind, will, memory, imagination, heart, and desires - So if we listen to what is going on within us, in our deepest longings, this is there where God communicates with us; this is where we hear God. Our job is to simply put down the phone, computer or turn off the TV and get quiet before God 15 minutes a day. Our prayer is like carefully turning the dial on those old style radios; a kind of “tuning-in” to God’s communication to us through our inner life.
Jim Manney’s book A Simple Life-Changing Prayer that we are reading as a parish for Lent is all about this way of listening for God in our lives. Our Thursday Retreat Evenings are designed especially to help us hone this ability to connect and listen in this way. May this sacred season of Lent be one of deep listening for each of us.
Send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns at: crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com.
Personal prayer is an absolute essential for anyone who wants to call themselves a Christian. It is not an optional part of our spiritual lives, it is the core and foundation. We Catholics hold a very strong conviction that God wishes to communicate with us. Our job is to open ourselves to that communication through prayer; to make ourselves available. I call my daily prayer “Butt-in-seat-time.” A bit crass, I know. But for me, it makes the goal manageable. All I aim to do is simply show up everyday. I don’t always want to be there, I often don’t have time to be there, but I do my best to just get my butt in the seat; show-up and shut-up, and let God do the rest.
But what are we really trying to “DO” when we pray? How do we hear God? Well, I think we all know that it is extraordinarily rare for God to show up in our lives through the clouds parting and a booming voice saying “Lisa, listen to me!” - and I think we can be thankful for that! Rather, our tradition suggests that we hear God through the channels that God built; God speaks to us though the things that God created, which makes sense, why wouldn’t God do that, right? We are built with everything we need for this communication. So, here are a handful of ways we can listen for God in our daily lives…
1 – First of all we find God in what God has made, namely creation itself. Can we experience God in a nice, long, silent walk in the woods? Or by playing with a puppy? Studying wildlife? Looking at a leaf through a microscope? Watching a spider spin a web? Holding a newborn child? Without question. For some people observing and enjoying nature and creation is an essential part of prayer and listening for God in their lives.
2 – Second, we hear God’s voice in the scriptures, appropriately called the “Word of God.” The Bible is the number one bestseller of all time. It gets 5 stars on Amazon! If you have never sat down and read a Gospel from start to finish, I can’t imagine a better Lenten goal. I would recommend Luke or Matthew. The New American Bible is a solid translation and I have always found the footnotes very helpful. We have bibles available here at the parish if you would like one. When we listen to the scriptures proclaimed at Mass we believe that in this communal context, our scriptures have an even more potent “living” quality; the readings are God’s Living Word, God’s voice speaking to us through our sacred texts.
3 – Third, we hear God in the teaching of the church, the living, changing, growing tradition of our believing community.
4 – Finally, we hear God by listening for and “noticing” God in our own experiences and inner workings.
God created us for this communication, so all the “stuff” within us is actually designed to sense the presence of God in our lives: our mind, will, memory, imagination, heart, and desires - So if we listen to what is going on within us, in our deepest longings, this is there where God communicates with us; this is where we hear God. Our job is to simply put down the phone, computer or turn off the TV and get quiet before God 15 minutes a day. Our prayer is like carefully turning the dial on those old style radios; a kind of “tuning-in” to God’s communication to us through our inner life.
Jim Manney’s book A Simple Life-Changing Prayer that we are reading as a parish for Lent is all about this way of listening for God in our lives. Our Thursday Retreat Evenings are designed especially to help us hone this ability to connect and listen in this way. May this sacred season of Lent be one of deep listening for each of us.
Send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns at: crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com.
Saturday, February 25, 2017
Sabbath
Below is an excerpt from the book Sabbath by Wayne Muller that spoke to me this week. I hope you find it insightful as well…
“In the relentless busyness of modern life, we have lost the rhythm between work and rest. All life requires a rhythm of rest. There is a rhythm in our waking activity and the body’s need for sleep. There is a rhythm in the way day dissolves into night, and night into morning. There is a rhythm as the active growth of spring and summer is quieted by the necessary dormancy of fall and winter. There is a tidal rhythm, a deep, eternal conversation between the land and the great sea. In our bodies, the heart perceptibly rests after each life-giving beat; the lungs rest between the exhale and the inhale.
We have lost this essential rhythm. Our culture invariably supposes that action and accomplishment are better than rest, that doing something – anything- is better than doing nothing. Because of our desire to succeed, to meet these ever-growing expectations, we do not rest. Because we do not rest, we lose our way. We miss the compass point that would show us where to go, we bypass necessary nourishment. We miss the quiet that would give us wisdom.
Even when our intentions are noble and our efforts sincere – even when we dedicate our lives to the service of others – the corrosive pressure of frantic overactivity can nonetheless cause suffering in ourselves and others. The Chinese pictograph for “busy” is composed of two characters: heart and killing.
Thomas Merton says “ There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence…[and that is] activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy of our activities neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.”
How have we allowed this to happen? This was not our intention, this is not the world we dreamed when we were young and our whole life was full of possibility and promise. I suggest that it is this: We have forgotten the Sabbath. While Sabbath can refer to a single day of the week, Sabbath can also be a far-reaching, revolutionary tool for cultivating those precious human qualities that grow only in time. If busyness can become a kind of violence, we do not have to stretch our perception very far to see that Sabbath time – effortless, nourishing rest – can invite a healing of this violence. When we consecrate a time to listen to the still, small voices, we remember the root of inner wisdom that makes work fruitful.
Without rest, we respond from survival mode, where everything we meet assumes a terrifying prominence. When we are driving a motorcycle at high speed, even a small stone in the road can be a deadly threat. So when we are moving faster and faster, every encounter, every detail inflates in importance, everything seems more urgent than it really is, and we react with sloppy desperation.
Sabbath honors the necessary wisdom of dormancy. If certain plant species do not lie dormant for winter, they will not bear fruit in the spring. If this continues for more than a season, the plant begins to die. If dormancy continues to be prevented, the entire species will dies. A period of rest – in which nutrition and fertility most readily coalesce is a spiritual and biological necessity. A lack of dormancy produces confusion and an erosion of life. We, too, must have a period in which we lie fallow, and restore our souls. In Sabbath time we remember to celebrate what is beautiful and sacred; we light candles, sing songs, tell stories, eat, nap, and make love. It is a time to let our work lie fallow, to be nourished and refreshed. Within this sanctuary, we become available to the insights and blessings of deep mindfulness that arise only in stillness and time. When we act from a place of deep rest, we are more capable of right understanding, right action and right effort.”
“In the relentless busyness of modern life, we have lost the rhythm between work and rest. All life requires a rhythm of rest. There is a rhythm in our waking activity and the body’s need for sleep. There is a rhythm in the way day dissolves into night, and night into morning. There is a rhythm as the active growth of spring and summer is quieted by the necessary dormancy of fall and winter. There is a tidal rhythm, a deep, eternal conversation between the land and the great sea. In our bodies, the heart perceptibly rests after each life-giving beat; the lungs rest between the exhale and the inhale.
We have lost this essential rhythm. Our culture invariably supposes that action and accomplishment are better than rest, that doing something – anything- is better than doing nothing. Because of our desire to succeed, to meet these ever-growing expectations, we do not rest. Because we do not rest, we lose our way. We miss the compass point that would show us where to go, we bypass necessary nourishment. We miss the quiet that would give us wisdom.
Even when our intentions are noble and our efforts sincere – even when we dedicate our lives to the service of others – the corrosive pressure of frantic overactivity can nonetheless cause suffering in ourselves and others. The Chinese pictograph for “busy” is composed of two characters: heart and killing.
Thomas Merton says “ There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence…[and that is] activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy of our activities neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work, because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.”
How have we allowed this to happen? This was not our intention, this is not the world we dreamed when we were young and our whole life was full of possibility and promise. I suggest that it is this: We have forgotten the Sabbath. While Sabbath can refer to a single day of the week, Sabbath can also be a far-reaching, revolutionary tool for cultivating those precious human qualities that grow only in time. If busyness can become a kind of violence, we do not have to stretch our perception very far to see that Sabbath time – effortless, nourishing rest – can invite a healing of this violence. When we consecrate a time to listen to the still, small voices, we remember the root of inner wisdom that makes work fruitful.
Without rest, we respond from survival mode, where everything we meet assumes a terrifying prominence. When we are driving a motorcycle at high speed, even a small stone in the road can be a deadly threat. So when we are moving faster and faster, every encounter, every detail inflates in importance, everything seems more urgent than it really is, and we react with sloppy desperation.
Sabbath honors the necessary wisdom of dormancy. If certain plant species do not lie dormant for winter, they will not bear fruit in the spring. If this continues for more than a season, the plant begins to die. If dormancy continues to be prevented, the entire species will dies. A period of rest – in which nutrition and fertility most readily coalesce is a spiritual and biological necessity. A lack of dormancy produces confusion and an erosion of life. We, too, must have a period in which we lie fallow, and restore our souls. In Sabbath time we remember to celebrate what is beautiful and sacred; we light candles, sing songs, tell stories, eat, nap, and make love. It is a time to let our work lie fallow, to be nourished and refreshed. Within this sanctuary, we become available to the insights and blessings of deep mindfulness that arise only in stillness and time. When we act from a place of deep rest, we are more capable of right understanding, right action and right effort.”
Tuesday, February 14, 2017
Reflection from Communion Service on Feb. 14th on Mark 8:14-21
And I tend to agree. Don’t get me wrong. I love miracles and I genuinely believe that Jesus had the power to feed the hungry crowds he encountered single-handedly if he wanted to.
But I suspect that focusing on the physical miracle is kind of like reading the story of Jonah and debating and researching whether a man can live in the belly of a whale for three days or not…it kind of misses the deeper truth that the story is trying to impart.
We can imagine the scene...a blistering hot afternoon in a far off deserted and dusty plain…Jesus has just finished preaching to a great crowd of people about the dream he has for our world…a dream of a kingdom where no one is in need…where everyone’s hunger is met…a joyful time when God’s goodness will reign, where there is no hostility, no war, a kingdom of compassion, sharing and deep communion with God and with each other…a time and place where love is the law of the land.
Minutes after he finishes, the disciples, say to Jesus, “We have to send these people away so they can find some food for themselves before nightfall or we are going to have a hungry mob on our hands.”
The disciples immediately snap back into survival mode, concentrating on what they lack…panicking over a need they do not have the resources to meet. They prescribe having the people “go and buy” what they need from some outside resource before its too late.
Jesus redirects the attention of the disciples to what they DO have. He tells them the crowds to not have to go away. They should feed the people. But in their minds they do not have enough. They are locked into the magnitude of the need before them and the scarcity of resources. They characterize what they have as not nearly enough when they say “But we have nothing here - nothing but five loaves and two fish…”
Theologian John Shea says that it is at THIS point that Jesus has brought about a “crucial shift” in their thinking. They have moved from the preoccupation with lack to the awareness of assets. They now know what they have. They are no longer looking outside themselves for an answer, They have turned their gaze within. "Going and buying may work in the physical world, but what works in the spiritual world is standing still and becoming aware." (Shea)
Knowing what we have is the first step of spiritual transformation.
Jesus asks that they bring him what they have. Then he stands before the crowd and gives thanks, speaking the very familiar words of Jewish blessing and gratitude over the few loaves and fishes he that they have brought to him (which also happens to be our Eucharistic prayer we pray at every Mass) and then he shares the little he has with those around him…He took....gave thanks...broke...and gave....these are familiar to us, right?
So, a possible spin on this miracle is that just maybe Jesus knew that these people were not so dim as to hike out to a deserted place for most of the day in the scorching heat without some provisions…
Maybe when Jesus gave thanks and shared so generously the little he had, he inspired everyone there to slowly begin to dig into their pockets and purses to share the food they were hiding and saving for the long walk home…
Maybe he managed to shift the focus of over 5000 people from seeing what they have as too little and cursing and hoarding it - to seeing it as a gift, becoming grateful and giving it away as a gift to the people around them, who in turn give it away to others….and according to the Gospels, he did this not once, but twice.
No one 'takes and holds"; everyone 'receives and gives'…and all went home that night with a full belly and maybe even a doggy bag for their relatives who weren’t healthy enough for the long days journey…and they would forever hold in their memory the astonishing story about a preacher who inspired with his words and actions a huge crowd of strangers to share all they had with one another…
Jesus is instructing us that we need to be leery of the mind’s tendency to focus on lack and to continuously think “going and buying” from others is the solution. We should take stock of what we DO have, give thanks for it as God’s gift, and give it freely to others who in turn will give it to others. This process of self-knowledge, gratitude and communal love produces not only satisfaction but abundance.
The people that day didn’t just hear the good news, but they participated in an amazing experience of divine abundance, an experience that was completely satisfying because it was a taste of the kingdom, a glimpse of the potential of people, of the collective fulfillment for which we were designed. And really, even today, what could be a greater miracle than that?
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Crazy Catholic Question #95: Evangelization
Do Catholics
Evangelize?
In a word, Yes. But “evangelize” is not a comfortable word
for most Catholics probably because we associate it with images of sweaty,
screaming TV evangelists quoting bible verses out of context and incessantly
urging us to call the number on the screen. But Evangelization in our Catholic tradition
is much less about what we “say” than what we “do.” Evangelization simply means
we live what we believe so that others may recognize Christ’s love in us. As
the saying attributed to St. Francis says, “Preach
the Gospel and use words only when necessary.” Evangelization has little to
do with “talking about Jesus” but rather is defined by concrete action; caring
and loving for one another as God loves and cares for us. Evangelization is beggars
showing other beggars where to find bread. In short, if the good news is really
“good,” we shouldn’t have to bang people over the head with it, with one
sledge-hammer blow of the bible after another. Our lives should speak. If the
truth of Jesus Christ has changed us and nourished us, then people should see
it in the way we live; with love and gratitude as a witness to all we have been
given by a merciful and generous God. This is the good news…and if it is indeed
“good” then it should be about as hard to sell as ice cream.
So, who are the folks that haven’t had a taste of this ice
cream yet? What does the “average”
unchurched family in the U.S. look like today? Here are 5 defining
features from a recent study (from www.pastors.com/the-top-10-characteristics-of-the-average-unchurched-family):
1. They are a blended
home, often spiritually mismatched. 41% of children have parents who are
not married. 43% of all marriages are remarriages and 65% of those involve
children from a prior marriage. It is very common to have multiple faith
traditions represented in one family.
2. They are
financially strapped. The average middle class family cannot absorb even
one financial catastrophe. Credit has become a way of life for the American
household. Digging ever-deeper holes of debt with no end in sight.
3. They are
over-calendared. The standard work week isn’t standard any more. Many
parents are working 50-60 hours a week including Sundays. And on top of that most
families are driven by the schedule of the kids; practices, games, and
recitals. Even the most dedicated faith-filled families are powerless slaves to
often unreasonable schedules if they want their kids to participate in any team
sport.
4. They are
biblically illiterate. They have absolutely no idea what the Bible actually
says. To many it is a dark antiquated book that tells of an angry deity
bent on suppressing happiness and destroying homosexuals. 60% of Americans
can’t name either half of the Ten Commandments or the four Gospels of the New
Testament. 80% believe that “God helps those who help themselves” is a direct
quote from the Bible.
5. They have a
special needs child. Families with special needs children are on the rise
and they often feel unwelcomed at our usual programming. 2% of children are
diagnosed with autism. 7% with ADHD. 8% have a learning disability 14% have
a developmental disability. 2% of teenagers have an anxiety disorder. 12% of
the children in K-6 in our public schools are identified with a disability.
It may be wise to ask ourselves what is the “good news”
these families long to hear? What can we share about our God that would be
nourishing for them? What is “bread” for them? When we are “evangelizing” or - if
that word remains too churchy for you (I know it is for me) - reaching out to
these families we have to be sure we aren’t addressing questions or problems
they don’t have. We need to listen and see as God sees and love as we have been
loved. Send your Crazy Catholic Questions to Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org.
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Crazy Catholic Question #94: Immigration Ban
What are your thoughts on our new president’s immigration ban?
Well, my thoughts are really not important. But virtually every Catholic organization, independent of their political leanings, has unanimously proclaimed President Trump’s immigration ban as being manifestly unchristian….period. There is no sugar coating it. All of our Catholic leaders from the Pope on down have come out with very sharp and decisive criticism of this executive order. Did you read Mitch Albom’s piece in the Freep this week? Quoted below, sums it up poignantly. We need to reflect on who we are as Americans and our vision for our future. Are your leaders representing your views? If not, it’s time to contact your elected officials on behalf of the most vulnerable and suffering people in our world who are clamoring for our help.
Well, my thoughts are really not important. But virtually every Catholic organization, independent of their political leanings, has unanimously proclaimed President Trump’s immigration ban as being manifestly unchristian….period. There is no sugar coating it. All of our Catholic leaders from the Pope on down have come out with very sharp and decisive criticism of this executive order. Did you read Mitch Albom’s piece in the Freep this week? Quoted below, sums it up poignantly. We need to reflect on who we are as Americans and our vision for our future. Are your leaders representing your views? If not, it’s time to contact your elected officials on behalf of the most vulnerable and suffering people in our world who are clamoring for our help.
“I went to visit the Statue of Liberty. I missed the last boat back. As I gazed at the
American shoreline, I heard a voice. “So, what do you think?” I turned. Lady Liberty was talking to me…“Don’t
be shy. I don’t often get to speak. What do you think? About the symbol? “You?
I think you’re amazing. Inspiring. Incred--” “Not me. The new symbol.
The Wall.”“Oh.” Lady Liberty sighed. “You know, for centuries, I’ve been the
image of our nation’s borders. You thought of coming here? You thought of me. “But
now? Now when people around the world think of America, they’re going to
picture a wall — a really long, ugly wall.”… “No, no,” I insisted. “We’re much
more than that. We’re a huge nation. Rich. Diverse.” “So is China,” she said.
“But what’s the first structure you think of with that country? What’s the
purpose of this wall?” she asked. “To keep people out.” She pointed her torch down to her base. “See
those?”“Your really big feet?” “No. The broken chains I’m stepping out of. They
stand for freedom from oppression. Aren’t people coming here seeking freedom
from oppression?” “Some,” I said. “Some just want jobs.”“So they’re poor?” “Many
of them, yes.”“See that?” She pointed down with her tablet.“Your
toenails?”“Lower. On the base. The sonnet. Read it.”“Give me your tired, your
poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. The wretched refuse of
your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift
my lamp beside the golden door!”“Pretty good, huh?” she said.“Pretty good..but
it’s complicated,” I tried to explain. “Back when you were built, people came
to follow their dreams.” “Aren’t today’s immigrants doing that?” “But they’re
not going through proper channels.” “How long do proper channels take?” “Depends
on the country. In some cases, 20
years.” “Hmm.” She looked off to Ellis Island. “Did your family come through
there?” “Yes. Early last century.” “Did they have to wait 20 years?” “No.” “Maybe
the laws need more fixing than the borders.” She stared at me. I think she
raised an eyebrow. “Some illegal immigrants commit crimes,” I said. “More than
citizens commit crimes?” “Actually,” I mumbled, “most data shows it’s less.” “Hmm,”
she said. “And when these ‘illegals’ come, do they work?” “Yes. They work so
cheap. They take our jobs.” “Who’s hiring them?” “Factories. Small business.
Households.” “Are you punishing the employers? Are you building a wall around
the factories?” “Don’t be silly,” I said. “Hmm,” she said. She adjusted her
crown, with its seven spikes to symbolize seven seas and continents. “Do you
know my original name? It was ‘Liberty Enlightening the World.’ "She
looked south. “Will they say that about a wall?” The sun began to rise. “Well,
bon voyage,” Lady Liberty said, lifting her arm. “I must get back to work.” “Work?”
I said. “But you’re a statue.” “No,” she said, sternly, “I’m a symbol. I stand
for something. And you know what? Standing for something, every day and night,
is really hard work.” “Hmm,” I said. And I thought I saw her smile.
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Crazy Catholic Question #93: The Spiritual Child
Have you read the book The Spiritual Child by Lisa Miller, PhD?
Listen to 12 minute presentation given at Mass on Feb. 19th at this link:
http://www.ctredeemer.org/february-19-2017/
Okay. You caught me! Once in awhile I make up the “crazy catholic question” so I can answer it with something that I find to be exciting or relevant. Dr. Miller’s book is both! I’m only in the 4th chapter but I have exclaimed “Oh my God!” more times than I can count while reading her fascinating study of the scientific link between spirituality and health, particularly in children.
The central theme of the book is: human development naturally includes a transcendent component, and when this natural spiritual capacity is fostered in children, it is THE most effective factor currently known to science to stimulate flourishing. She shows that children who have a positive, active relationship to spirituality are 40% less likely to use and abuse substances, 60% less likely to be depressed as teenagers, 80% less likely to have dangerous or unprotected sex and have an increased sense of meaning and purpose (even into adulthood), and high levels of academic success.
Dr. Miller defines Spirituality as an inner sense of a relationship and dialogue with a higher power that is loving and guiding (25). She states that the “capacity for transcendence is inborn and universal to all human beings…we are hardwired for spiritual connection (29)” and “we can either cultivate children’s natural spiritual assets into richly developed strengths for a lifetime (177)” or neglect them to the detriment of the child. She uses Math as an analogy. “We are not born knowing addition and subtraction, but we are born with the capacity for mathematical thinking. Our children are born with the capacity for spiritual knowing. Rather than leave it to wither by neglect, we can support our children’s natural spirituality, hold open the space for expression, provide a language for it, and help their spiritual assets grow.”
The part that really knocked my socks off though is when she highlights the vital role that family plays in fostering a child’s spiritual development. Her first breakthrough in research came when she was stumped trying to find what protects genetically pre-disposed individuals from depression. While riding the subway on a Sunday morning Miller observed a disheveled, mentally unstable man desperate for attention and human connection yelling to the passengers “Do you want to sit by me? Uncomfortable with the scene, everyone uniformly moved away and ignored him. But everything changed when a grandmother and granddaughter boarded the train, pristinely dressed in their Sunday best. When the man asked if they would like to sit next to him, they looked at each other, nodded, and without hesitation said “Yes, thank you” and quietly took seats next to him. Through this simple interaction, the man was greatly calmed. Through this unspoken nod the grandmother exchanged a sense of spiritual purpose with her granddaughter. Dr. Miller said she could “almost hear the voice: What you do to the least of these...” She rushed to her lab and ran an equation testing the effect of “the nod,” a sense of shared spirituality and/or religion between mother and offspring.
Her results are startling! Among families at high-risk for depression, spirituality in just the mother or child alone only marginally protected them. However, when both the parent and child shared the same sense of spirituality, there was an 80% reduction in risk of depression. 80%! This “nod” of shared spirituality is scientifically proven to be THE most protective factor against depression…between three to seven times more protective than ANY OTHER SOURCE of resilience…neither biology nor relationships, education, socioeconomic situations, pills or supplements could compare with this” (88). I just started the 2nd part of the book which details the power of spirituality in helping teens and parents navigate the often stormy waters of adolescence. Expect more contrived questions! Unless you have a CCQ to send me, Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org.
Listen to 12 minute presentation given at Mass on Feb. 19th at this link:
http://www.ctredeemer.org/february-19-2017/
Okay. You caught me! Once in awhile I make up the “crazy catholic question” so I can answer it with something that I find to be exciting or relevant. Dr. Miller’s book is both! I’m only in the 4th chapter but I have exclaimed “Oh my God!” more times than I can count while reading her fascinating study of the scientific link between spirituality and health, particularly in children.
The central theme of the book is: human development naturally includes a transcendent component, and when this natural spiritual capacity is fostered in children, it is THE most effective factor currently known to science to stimulate flourishing. She shows that children who have a positive, active relationship to spirituality are 40% less likely to use and abuse substances, 60% less likely to be depressed as teenagers, 80% less likely to have dangerous or unprotected sex and have an increased sense of meaning and purpose (even into adulthood), and high levels of academic success.
Dr. Miller defines Spirituality as an inner sense of a relationship and dialogue with a higher power that is loving and guiding (25). She states that the “capacity for transcendence is inborn and universal to all human beings…we are hardwired for spiritual connection (29)” and “we can either cultivate children’s natural spiritual assets into richly developed strengths for a lifetime (177)” or neglect them to the detriment of the child. She uses Math as an analogy. “We are not born knowing addition and subtraction, but we are born with the capacity for mathematical thinking. Our children are born with the capacity for spiritual knowing. Rather than leave it to wither by neglect, we can support our children’s natural spirituality, hold open the space for expression, provide a language for it, and help their spiritual assets grow.”
The part that really knocked my socks off though is when she highlights the vital role that family plays in fostering a child’s spiritual development. Her first breakthrough in research came when she was stumped trying to find what protects genetically pre-disposed individuals from depression. While riding the subway on a Sunday morning Miller observed a disheveled, mentally unstable man desperate for attention and human connection yelling to the passengers “Do you want to sit by me? Uncomfortable with the scene, everyone uniformly moved away and ignored him. But everything changed when a grandmother and granddaughter boarded the train, pristinely dressed in their Sunday best. When the man asked if they would like to sit next to him, they looked at each other, nodded, and without hesitation said “Yes, thank you” and quietly took seats next to him. Through this simple interaction, the man was greatly calmed. Through this unspoken nod the grandmother exchanged a sense of spiritual purpose with her granddaughter. Dr. Miller said she could “almost hear the voice: What you do to the least of these...” She rushed to her lab and ran an equation testing the effect of “the nod,” a sense of shared spirituality and/or religion between mother and offspring.
Her results are startling! Among families at high-risk for depression, spirituality in just the mother or child alone only marginally protected them. However, when both the parent and child shared the same sense of spirituality, there was an 80% reduction in risk of depression. 80%! This “nod” of shared spirituality is scientifically proven to be THE most protective factor against depression…between three to seven times more protective than ANY OTHER SOURCE of resilience…neither biology nor relationships, education, socioeconomic situations, pills or supplements could compare with this” (88). I just started the 2nd part of the book which details the power of spirituality in helping teens and parents navigate the often stormy waters of adolescence. Expect more contrived questions! Unless you have a CCQ to send me, Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org.
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