Crazy Catholic Question #98: Why Do Catholics Do That?

Are YOU someone….Or do you KNOW someone who….
· Often wonders “Why do Catholics do that?”
· Has expressed an interest in becoming Catholic?
· Has never received First Communion?
· Has never been Confirmed?
· Has a child over the age of seven who has not been baptized?

If you are interested in learning more about the Catholic Faith or perhaps have been thinking of becoming a member of Christ the Redeemer, you may wish to consider being a part of our RCIA process.

The RCIA, which stands for Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults, has its origins in the earliest centuries of the Church as a way for welcoming new members into the Catholic community. It is an ancient practice of the Church restored by the Second Vatican Council as the normal way adults prepare for baptism and enter the Catholic Church. It includes several stages marked by study, prayer and rites at Mass. Participants undergo a process of conversion as they study the Gospel, profess faith in Jesus, and eventually (at their own pace) receive the sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation and Eucharist. The RCIA is a profound and beautiful way of responding to the words of Jesus: “Come, follow me.”

A friend of mine likened RCIA to those who go through the process of becoming a U.S. Citizen. They enter knowing little about our country but by the time they are naturalized they often know more about our American heritage and history than natural-born citizens. So too with the RCIA. Those participating in the process often end up knowing much more about our rich tradition, history and faith than many of our “cradle Catholics.”

Next Saturday evening at the Easter Vigil we will welcome 14 people who have been preparing all year at our weekly RCIA gatherings with prayer, study and deep discussion to celebrate the Sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation, and Eucharist.

In short, if you hail from another tradition, we genuinely hope the experience of our community has sparked an interest in knowing more about our Catholic tradition. We also recognize that there are many reasons why some baptized Catholics have never received the Sacraments of First Communion or Confirmation. Whatever your reasons or motivation, just know it is never “too late.” Our door is always open. You are welcome to participate in the process with your questions, your insights and your unique story in a warm accepting setting. For more information please contact Lisa Brown and/or send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to dre@ctredeemer.org.

Crazy Catholic Question #97: Good Enough Parent

I overheard you talking with another parent after Mass last weekend about being a “Good-Enough” Parent. What do you mean by that?

My daughters are ages 14, 12 & 7. At the last set of teacher conferences, three of their teachers said, in almost identical language, that my girls are very “self-advocating.” At first I wasn’t sure how to take in this information. It felt a bit like a back-handed compliment.

When I shared by bewilderment on the teachers’ comments with a friend, she recommended I google pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott who researched thousands of mothers and their children back in the 50’s and came to realize that children actually benefit when their mothers “fail” them in manageable ways (not major failures of course, such as abuse or neglect). He was the first to proclaim the benefits of being a “good enough” parent in the long-term growth and well-being of our children.

When our babies are infants, we do our best to respond to their every need. As soon as they cry, we rush to snuggle, change or feed them – offering immediate comfort. Our response at this age is crucial in teaching our children that they are safe and will be cared for. But, of course, this level of attentiveness cannot be sustained, nor should it be according to Dr. Winnicott’s study. In fact, he said the best thing we can do is slowly become “good enough” parents. In other words; our children actually need us to fail in tolerable ways on a regular basis so they learn to live in an imperfect world.

He states that every time we don’t hear them call us right away, are unable to give them our full attention, feed them a dinner they don’t particularly enjoy or are unable to attend a concert or game, we are preparing them to accept and function in a world that will quite regularly frustrate and disappoint. Our children learn, through our “failures” that the world doesn’t revolve around them, that life isn’t always fair, that they won’t always get their way. But they also learn that despite life’s inevitable disappointments and conflicts, they will still be okay.

Even if it were somehow possible to be the “perfect” parent (whatever that might look like), the end result would be a fragile child who is unable to cope with even the slightest disappointment. The gift of the “good enough” parent is that perfection is never offered as an option, rather our children learn to accept, expect and rise above the challenging experiences of anger, boredom and sadness. Resilience is the great gift of the “good enough” parent.

Are our children safe, fed, clothed and loved? Are we getting it right most of the time? If yes, then we need to be gentle with ourselves and trust that when our kids feel annoyed or frustrated or sad because we have let them down, that in those many small moments, they learn that life is hard, that they can feel terrible, and that they will bounce back. Each time we disappoint and they get through it, Dr. Winnicott’s research tells us they will be a little bit stronger for it. I like Dr. Winnicott. In fact, I’d like to hug him and have him over for dinner.

Crazy Catholic Question #96: Finding God

Our Lenten theme “Finding God in my Daily Life” doesn’t come easy for me. How do we “find” or “hear” God?

Personal prayer is an absolute essential for anyone who wants to call themselves a Christian. It is not an optional part of our spiritual lives, it is the core and foundation. We Catholics hold a very strong conviction that God wishes to communicate with us. Our job is to open ourselves to that communication through prayer; to make ourselves available. I call my daily prayer “Butt-in-seat-time.” A bit crass, I know. But for me, it makes the goal manageable. All I aim to do is simply show up everyday. I don’t always want to be there, I often don’t have time to be there, but I do my best to just get my butt in the seat; show-up and shut-up, and let God do the rest.

But what are we really trying to “DO” when we pray? How do we hear God? Well, I think we all know that it is extraordinarily rare for God to show up in our lives through the clouds parting and a booming voice saying “Lisa, listen to me!” - and I think we can be thankful for that! Rather, our tradition suggests that we hear God through the channels that God built; God speaks to us though the things that God created, which makes sense, why wouldn’t God do that, right? We are built with everything we need for this communication. So, here are a handful of ways we can listen for God in our daily lives…

1 – First of all we find God in what God has made, namely creation itself. Can we experience God in a nice, long, silent walk in the woods? Or by playing with a puppy? Studying wildlife? Looking at a leaf through a microscope? Watching a spider spin a web? Holding a newborn child? Without question. For some people observing and enjoying nature and creation is an essential part of prayer and listening for God in their lives.

2 – Second, we hear God’s voice in the scriptures, appropriately called the “Word of God.” The Bible is the number one bestseller of all time. It gets 5 stars on Amazon! If you have never sat down and read a Gospel from start to finish, I can’t imagine a better Lenten goal. I would recommend Luke or Matthew. The New American Bible is a solid translation and I have always found the footnotes very helpful. We have bibles available here at the parish if you would like one. When we listen to the scriptures proclaimed at Mass we believe that in this communal context, our scriptures have an even more potent “living” quality; the readings are God’s Living Word, God’s voice speaking to us through our sacred texts.

3 – Third, we hear God in the teaching of the church, the living, changing, growing tradition of our believing community.

4 – Finally, we hear God by listening for and “noticing” God in our own experiences and inner workings.

God created us for this communication, so all the “stuff” within us is actually designed to sense the presence of God in our lives: our mind, will, memory, imagination, heart, and desires - So if we listen to what is going on within us, in our deepest longings, this is there where God communicates with us; this is where we hear God. Our job is to simply put down the phone, computer or turn off the TV and get quiet before God 15 minutes a day. Our prayer is like carefully turning the dial on those old style radios; a kind of “tuning-in” to God’s communication to us through our inner life.

Jim Manney’s book A Simple Life-Changing Prayer that we are reading as a parish for Lent is all about this way of listening for God in our lives. Our Thursday Retreat Evenings are designed especially to help us hone this ability to connect and listen in this way. May this sacred season of Lent be one of deep listening for each of us.

Send your "Crazy Catholic Questions" to Lisa Brown at dre@ctredeemer.org or read past columns at: crazycatholicquestions.blogspot.com.